Annie 8.4.08

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for seven years. We hit a rough patch during the last two, and it led to my having an emotional affair with a co-worker (no sex involved). My husband found out the day before I took my maternity leave. He forgave me and we seem to be doing OK. However, my maternity leave is coming to an end and I’m supposed to go back to work. That means I will be in the same office as that co-worker I was so attracted to. I have a very, very good job and quitting is out of the question. I’m worried my husband will feel uncomfortable knowing I’m with this guy all day. How can I prove I’m over the attraction and repair the trust? — Not Interested in Him Anymore Dear Not Interested: You need to talk about this openly with your husband. Tell him you know returning to work may cause him some anxiety and you want to allay his fears. Reassure him that you are over your infatuation. Ask what you need to do to make him comfortable with the situation, and promise to put his requirements first. If you find yourself being drawn to this co-worker again, we urge you to consider quitting your job. No matter how good it is, it’s not worth your marriage. Dear Annie: I am a young professional woman, engaged to a wonderful man. We plan to move in together soon in preparation for beginning our lives together. OK, cut to the chase. Here is my dilemma: We are getting married in a few months, but my mom insists we need to have a small civil marriage at the courthouse before he moves in to make it legal before our actual wedding. She doesn’t want us to live together before marriage. I know Mom sees it this way for religious reasons. However, my fiance and I have discussed it and don’t want a quickie civil ceremony before our formal one just to please her. How do I assuage my meddling mom and pacify my anxious new fiance? — Passing Through Scylla and Charybdis Dear Scylla: Although you should be respectful of your mother’s feelings, this is not her decision to make. Is there a reason your fiance has to live with you now? If he can wait until after the wedding, that would take care of the problem. If not, do what you need to do, apologize sincerely to your mother for any offense, and then don’t discuss it with her further. She will get over it once the arrangement is legal. Dear Annie: I am writing in response to “Texas Tea,” who disparaged the insensitivity of a school district having a separate prom for students with special needs. I agree it would be sad if these students were specifically segregated. However, I would like to provide the writer with another explanation. I am a life skills support teacher. When prom time rolled around, most of our students were very interested in going, but the prom was 50 miles away and the cost was $75 per student, not to mention flowers, dresses, tuxedos, etc. None of my students had the resources to go. My co-teacher and I had the idea of holding a prom just for our students, to give them that cherished experience. We invited parents, administrators and teachers, and the students invited whomever they wanted, disabled or not. The prom was in town at a beautiful facility and cost $7 per person. The feedback was immediate from everyone involved that this was an excellent alternative to the regular prom, and that it should be held annually. We understand that individuals with special needs are treated differently, but this is an example of an accommodation that is meant to bring them a typical prom experience, not take anything away. — Pennsylvania Special Education Teacher Dear Teacher: What a lovely idea. Thanks for sharing. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. Published in The Messenger 8.4.08

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