Annie 10.6.08

Dear Annie: My wife, “Nellie,” and I are both professionals in our late 20s with no children. Twice a month, Nellie has a girls night out with three of her friends. Occasionally, they will go to a club or a movie, but most of the time they just play cards.
I recently learned that they started playing a new game called “Lipstick Branding.” Each girl applies heavy lipstick and then kisses another girl on a spot that is normally not visible, like the back of the shoulder or just below the armpit. The kiss is accompanied by the giggling and cheering of the others, with the goal being to leave as large a lipstick brand as possible. I found out about it when I saw a huge red mark on Nellie’s armpit.
Nellie says there is nothing improper or sexual about this game. She said high school girls play it and her friends decided it was a good way to let off steam and bond. Apparently, they have a lot of fun with it.
We have always had a wonderful marriage. I trust Nellie completely and told her that I don’t have a problem with the game and she can do whatever she wants with her friends. However, it still bothers me. Do I have a problem here? — Nellie’s Husband
Dear Husband: Ooh la la. When high school girls play this game, they do it with boys. Nellie may be participating because she’s looking for some excitement, but we think whoever suggested the game wanted to find a plausible way to kiss the other gals without emotional risk. You might discuss this possibility with Nellie. Still, if your wife has sexual feelings toward her friends, you will find out eventually. And if not, you have nothing to worry about.
Dear Annie: We have been friends with “Ed and Nancy” for over 30 years. Two years ago, we traveled to Alaska together and met another nice couple. We kept in touch with them for a while, but the e-mails soon waned.
Last week, Ed and Nancy told us that they were meeting this other couple for dinner. Apparently, they’ve been in touch since the Alaska trip. We were surprised they didn’t include us. Nancy said she didn’t feel it was their place to invite us, since getting together was the other couple’s idea.
Annie, if we had been the ones contacted, we would have asked if it was OK to include Ed and Nancy. Why didn’t they do the same? This has put a real strain on our friendship. My husband figures we must not mean that much to Ed and Nancy, and he wants to end the relationship. Are we right to feel slighted? — Linda in California
Dear Linda: The Alaska couple is friends with Ed and Nancy, not you. They’ve kept in touch and you haven’t. Yes, Ed and Nancy could have asked about including you (and maybe they did), but the other couple is under no obligation to invite you just because all of you met at the same time. You can’t expect to be included in every invitation involving a mutual acquaintance, so please don’t let your hurt feelings end a 30-year friendship.
Dear Annie: With your column’s national potential for good, how disappointing that you would choose to capitulate to our narcissistic culture and tell “In Disbelief” to attend a baby shower held for a child born to an unmarried woman. Your comment not to “punish the baby for the parents’ life choices,” misplaces responsibility, which belongs to the pair who conceived the child. Why reward them, as you suggest? — Even More Disbelief
Dear Disbelief: Baby gifts may benefit the parents, but they are primarily for the care of the child, and no matter how that child was conceived, it deserves to have a healthy start in life.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 10.6.08

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