Posted: Tuesday, October 7, 2008 9:59 pm
Dear Annie: I’ve been dating “Josh,” a wonderful man, for just over a month. We were instant friends and started off our romance extremely slowly. We have a lot in common. He lives two hours away and sees me on weekends.
This past weekend, Josh told me he is falling in love and wants me to move in with him. I have a 4-year-old daughter and don’t want to rush things. I love him and he understands we need stability for my daughter.
Here’s the problem. Last night, Josh said that although he loves me and wants to be with me, he is so accustomed to being single that he isn’t sure he’ll be able to say “no” if a woman tempts him.
Annie, I was devastated. I told him everyone has to fight temptation, but he has to think I’m worth it. I don’t want to stay with a man who says he loves me, but could be with someone else anytime he gets the urge. Should I give up and walk away before I am so far in that I can’t leave? I’m hurt, mad and surprised all at the same time. — Not Whimsical in Alabama
Dear Alabama: Josh is telling you in advance that he’s going to cheat and he thinks he’s giving you a plausible excuse to accept it. Tell him it’s been fun, but you need a more stable, committed relationship than what he is offering. And, by the way, moving in after a month of dating is not “taking it slowly.” It’s racing at light speed. For your sake as well as your daughter’s, please don’t rush into cohabitation.
Dear Annie: I’ve been having trouble dealing with my nephew, little Mr. Know-It-All. Not only does he correct other children, he also corrects adults. He will argue even if his information is completely wrong.
While I think it can be a good thing for a child to have a discussion with an adult, this child frequently interrupts conversations and does so with a snotty attitude. His parents set no boundaries whatsoever.
My mother advises me to let it roll off of my back. As he often plays with my children, should I be concerned with his behavior? — Annoyed Aunt
Dear Aunt: We bet his parents think he’s just adorable, so he’ll be unbearably obnoxious for a while. Your mother’s advice is sound, but if you are willing, you are in a wonderful position to help this child modify his behavior. When he’s in your house, explain nicely that interrupting a conversation is rude and adults in particular find it disrespectful. Tell him a sign of intelligence is the ability to listen with an open mind. Help him understand that friendships require give-and-take. Teach him how to be appropriately sociable so others will find him a pleasure to be around.
Dear Annie: My heart went out to “Not Looking Forward to Another Father’s Day” who said he and his wife could not have children. He added that they are too old to adopt and too cautious to become foster parents. Please tell them to reconsider.
My husband and I adopted two babies through the foster system. Fostering allows you to share your love with children who are in great need of it, even if it’s only for a short time, while waiting for the perfect one to capture your heart and be able to adopt.
When meeting with caseworkers to become foster parents, let them know you are looking for long-term possible adoption. There are thousands of children in the foster care system just waiting for a mother and father, and most importantly, the love of a family. — Mom of Many and Loving It
Dear Mom: Thanks to you and all readers who wrote telling this couple not to give up on having a family. Anyone interested in becoming a foster parent can contact their local Child Welfare League or State Department of Human Resources, or the National Foster Parent Association (nfpainc.org) at 1-800-557-5238.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to email@example.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 10.7.08