Posted: Monday, December 8, 2008 9:10 pm
Dear Annie: I am not a small woman. I weigh close to 200 pounds, and at 5 feet 4 inches, I am solidly built. My family is full of stocky individuals, so I don’t know why I’m afraid to tell my parents about a guy I am dating while away at university.
“Roger” is extremely smart, funny, physically strong, personable, works in social work and is getting a Ph.D. in education. He’s handsome and treats me like a princess. I think I could fall in love with him.
The problem is, he’s upward of 300 pounds, and at 6 feet 4 inches, is a massive human being. He’s the same size as my boss, a man my family refers to as “Jabba the Hutt.”
I don’t want my family to judge my significant other based on something as superficial as weight, but I know my grandmother will say something nasty about his body. I think he’s a thing of beauty.
Roger and I are not dating exclusively. I broke up with my last boyfriend six months ago, and I’m not sure I am ready for another serious relationship so soon. However, things seem to be going well and I don’t want to keep my mother out of the loop in my dating life. Should I state upfront that he’s a large man or just not bring it up unless she asks? — Not Afraid of a Little Fat
Dear Not Afraid: If you’re in college, you’re an adult and your dating choices are your own. That means if you choose someone your parents are prejudiced against, you have to be willing to stand up to their disapproval until they get to know him. For now, tell your parents you are dating a great guy. If the relationship becomes serious, you can e-mail them a photo of the two of you and then let the chips fall where they may.
Dear Annie: My cousin is getting married for the third time in 10 years. Her fiance has never been married. They want a traditional (and large) reception. They are not in a position to pay for the reception or dinner, and therefore all expenses would fall on her parents — again.
I think anything after the second marriage should be a quiet, intimate affair. This seems like the height of tackiness and arrogance, particularly on someone else’s dime. Her parents have a large group of friends who gave generously to the last two weddings. I would hate to think they would feel obligated to buy another gift.
I am very happy for my cousin, but let’s get real. Her track record isn’t great. Is there anything I could say or politely hint that would avoid hurt feelings, yet save embarrassment? — Cousin of Miss Tacky
Dear Cousin: No. Don’t forget, this is the groom’s first wedding. The only objection should be who is paying for it. After two previous weddings, your cousin should be footing her own bill, even if that means a much more modest wedding. However, if her parents want to pay for it, that’s their decision, and those who wish to send a gift — again — may do so.
Dear Annie: “Gloria in the Southeast” was upset by large women wearing shorts. Who is Gloria to judge who looks good in shorts and who is allowed to wear them? Why should I care what other people think?
I’m 66 and thin, but still don’t look very good in shorts. However, I wear them in the hot weather because they are comfortable. If people are walking behind me and judging my rear end, it doesn’t bother me. Gloria should get over herself and find another hobby. — Helen in Oregon
Dear Helen: If you don’t care, we certainly don’t either.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to email@example.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 12.8.08