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| Annie 10.15.07 |
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Dear Annie: I am 62 years old and have been dating a 53-year-old woman for a couple of years. We have had disagreements, and from my point of view, they will keep me from ever marrying her.
Every one of “Diane’s” friends makes alcohol the center of their activities. They can become pretty crude with the language and topics. Alcohol is awfully important to Diane as well. She also tells me she has friends who use recreational drugs, but that she never does. Yet she has kept me from meeting them because she says I am too judgmental.
Diane says most of the world behaves like her and that I am out of step with modern society. Is she right? I don’t have any friends who act like this. I thought most of society shared my values, but now I wonder. Maybe I should be living in the 1950s rather than the new millennium. — Pete in Vermont
Dear Pete: Diane is wrong. Granted, there are a lot of people for whom alcohol and recreational drugs are the only way they can have fun, but they represent only Diane’s type of crowd, not everyone. If you want to find female companionship that doesn’t involve mind-altering substances, keep looking. Diane is not for you.
Dear Annie: It’s been over a year since my sister passed away, and my mother and aunt have not spoken since.
Before the funeral, they were best friends. They talked to each other several times a day and loved spending time together. My sister had special needs, and whenever my mom needed help, my aunt would be there. She was like a second mother to us.
My mom and aunt are in their late 70s. I have tried talking to both of them, but neither will budge. They each have health issues and could lean on one another for support, but they are too stubborn. My fear is that something will happen to one of them before they mend their relationship.
My sister would have been so sad to know that the two women she loved most haven’t spoken since her funeral. Please help me. -- Stuck in the Middle
Dear Stuck: Grief can do terrible things to people, especially if there is unresolved guilt or rivalry. You cannot fix this. Your mother and aunt must want to mend the breach. What you can do, however, is recommend that your mother get some grief counseling to help her cope with the loss of her child, and that she contact The Compassionate Friends (compassionatefriends.org) at 1-877-969-0010.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Stranger in a Strange Land,” whose husband moved the family to a new place for his job. It has been two years since she moved, and if the counselor she saw didn’t help, it was the wrong counselor.
She needs to get over it. Her husband has apologized, but it seems she wants to continue punishing him because she no longer lives close to family and friends. What if her husband was stationed in Iraq or Afghanistan for two years? How would she feel then?
My husband spent 20 years in the Air Force, and during that time we lived in California (twice), Texas, England, Okinawa, Illinois and Colorado. We made new friends in each place and keep in contact with them to this day.
She can choose to be miserable, or she can take life by the hand and run with it. It’s sad that she continues to feel sorry for herself. — Got Over It a Long Time Ago in California
Dear California: Military spouses know that relocation comes with the job. For others, it takes a certain kind of resilience to remain positive after successive moves that you never wanted or anticipated. But we agree that a lot of this simply requires an attitude adjustment, and we hope “Stranger” can find a way to make the best of it.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger on 10.15.07 |
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