Posted: Friday, January 23, 2009 8:01 pm
Dear Annie: I’ve been married over 15 years. My husband, “Bert,” retired three years ago. Unhappy without a job, he finally found employment at a neighborhood chain store. It was then that my world turned into science fiction. Bert began having an affair with a co-worker. This devastated me. While trying to work through this heartache, he found yet another woman to play around with. I finally couldn’t take anymore and asked him to leave. He immediately moved in with his girlfriend. That lasted a year.
Bert did a lot of horrible things during that time, but I’ll spare you the details. In the end, the girlfriend left him to find someone with more money, and Bert seemed to wake up and smell the roses. Thinking this was just a nightmare midlife crisis, I took him back. Things were OK for about three months, until he got another job — and began another affair. This one came with threats. Not only was he messing around, but I was told not to tell his boss or mention anything to the woman’s longtime boyfriend (whom she still lives with) or I would “pay dearly.”
Needless to say, I threw him out, but I have so much anger, heartbreak and depression over this. His co-workers have no idea what is going on and treat him like gold, as if the separation were my fault. Should I spill the beans? Bert is 61 years old and carries an STD that he will have for the rest of his life. Actually, now I do feel better. — Lost in Space
Dear Lost: Bert may be going through a lengthy midlife crisis, but he is not trustworthy and you have no reason to let him back into your life. Talk to a lawyer so you can close that door, then please get some counseling to get your equilibrium back. When that happens, you will have no reason to care what his co-workers think.
Dear Annie: I have been seriously dating “Richard” for over a year. We have known each other for 30 years and each lost our spouses a few years ago. We are deeply in love and discussing marriage.
All our adult children approve of our relationship, except Richard’s oldest daughter. She doesn’t seem to care about our happiness and has recently ceased all communication. I would think she’d be thrilled her father has someone to share his life with. This situation is causing us great heartache. Any suggestions? — Two Senior Citizens in Love
Dear In Love: Richard’s daughter is being irrational. She doesn’t want Daddy to remarry. Period. Don’t let her dictate your relationship, but please encourage Richard to keep trying to re-establish contact and see his daughter without you. She may or may not come around, but it will help if she can see that you are no threat to her position as Daddy’s Girl.
Dear Annie: I just read the letter from Lora Ward Wilson, who became a living donor. I think that’s a great idea. I’ve read many letters from grateful recipients trying to convince people to fill out donor cards, but of course, we never hear from the people who don’t receive their transplant.
My father died in November while waiting for a liver transplant. He was over 60 and diabetic when he applied, so he was not very high on the list. Since there are too few people filling out their donor cards, he is no longer with us. My dad was a good person. He volunteered as an Angel Flight pilot and also frequently paid for and cooked dinners for families at a battered women’s shelter. He deserved to be with us a lot longer. — S.C. in New York
Dear S.C.: We are so sorry for your loss. Your dad must have been a wonderful man. This is a reminder for all of us to fill out donor cards. Contact the National Kidney Foundation at www.kidney.org.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 1.23.09