Posted: Tuesday, February 3, 2009 8:01 pm
Dear Annie: My husband has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. He is doing everything to fight it, including taking various medicines and having treatments, which have been somewhat effective. However, one unwanted side effect is that it’s pretty much killed his sex drive.
I love this man very much and will stick with him to the end, but this is a progressive illness. Although I am grateful it won’t take him for many years, I miss the physical attention. I can count on one hand the times we’ve had sex in the last year.
We are both in our early 40s and have been married 12 years. There is no chance I would ever leave him, but I have been having more and more thoughts about a solution. I am well aware of my marriage vows, but on top of the other daily stresses, this situation has really started to bother me. If I could find someone who would take care of my physical needs without any additional involvement and am discreet, is it wrong for me to act on it? — Lonely in Connecticut
Dear Lonely: Well, yes, of course. You know it’s wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t be writing to get approval from us. We realize how hard this must be for you, but if all you need is physical relief, we recommend masturbation. It’s safer, both physically and emotionally, and you won’t add to your already-high stress levels. You also can discuss this with your husband’s physician and see if adjustments to his medication might help. Please treat your husband, and your marriage, with love and respect, and you won’t have any regrets.
Dear Annie: My 19-year-old brother moved out last month and is on his own. At first I thought this would be fine because he only moved a block away and it would be just a short walk if I ever needed him. But the rest of us don’t see him as much as we’d like, and recently it’s taken a turn for the worse.
“Kyle” is always busy with my friends, either playing games or dragging them around in his van. To add insult to injury, he’s been ignoring me a lot of the time. I don’t like him hanging around some of my rather strange friends because all they do is mooch off of him, but he doesn’t realize it. I’m about ready to give up. What do you think I should do? — A Confused Brother
Dear Brother: You have to let Kyle make his own choices, even if you don’t like them. Kyle will make mistakes. He’ll sometimes choose the wrong friends and behave recklessly, but hopefully, this is how he learns to live independently and become responsible.
Your friends flock to Kyle because he has a van and there’s no adult supervision. You instinctively understand that this is an error in judgment, and face it, you are probably a bit jealous that your friends hang around Kyle. But you have to back off. Use this time to develop your own separate interests.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Confused,” whose boyfriend wants to be listed on her life insurance policy and claims once they marry he’ll get the money anyway. The beneficiary of a life insurance policy is a decision that is at the discretion of the owner of the policy. Though others may try to claim some form of entitlement, it is rare that they are successful.
Second, you are correct that her property would likely go to her new spouse if it is not specifically designated in writing to go elsewhere. That written designation is called a will, and “Confused” had better get herself one NOW given the comments made by her jerk boyfriend. In fact, I’d recommend she get a valid will signed long before any marriage license. — Insurance Agent in N.C.
Dear N.C.: Thanks for your input. We concur that the boyfriend may have ulterior motives, and we hope she will tread carefully.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to email@example.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 2.3.09