Annie 3.6.09

Dear Annie: My son and his wife live in the apartment above mine. I wanted my 20-year-old grandson to be independent of his parents, so I let him move into my downstairs bedroom. I told him his girlfriend would not be permitted in his bedroom nor would I allow them to behave as if they were married. He agreed to all this.

My grandson now brings his 17-year-old girlfriend to my house in the mornings and then takes her to high school. I found out the two of them are having sex in his bedroom and she leaves her clothes there. (I don’t think her father is aware that she comes here since he leaves for work very early.)

I told my grandson the bedroom door was not to be closed or locked again, and that this girl is no longer allowed to come to the house in the mornings. His younger brother, who is only 15, is right outside that room playing video games. I also packed up two full bags of his clothes and other toiletries and brought them upstairs to his parents’ apartment.

Now my grandson thinks I was rude because the girl didn’t stay overnight and she wasn’t moving in. Did I do the right thing, or should I have just left them alone? — A Concerned Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: You get to set the rules in your home, and if you don’t want them having sex, so be it. Your grandson did not keep his end of the bargain.

Allow a few months for him to think about it, and then, if you still want to give him another chance, let him move back in, making it clear that there will be no sex on the premises. If he doesn’t like it, he can live elsewhere.

Dear Annie: My husband and I are expecting our third child. The problem is, my father keeps asking us to name the baby after him. He pressured us with the first two kids and now he is doing it again. We have always found some polite way to say no, but he is really laying on the guilt this time.

My father was physically and verbally abusive to me growing up. He once held a gun to my head because he thought I was lying. I have forgiven him and we get along fine now, but not surprisingly, I have no desire to name a child after him.

Dad continues to mention how disappointed he is that neither of my children has his name. He’s even given my older son a “nickname,” which is a derivative. How can I get him to stop without making him angry? — Not Gonna Feel Guilty

Dear Not: Be diplomatically evasive. When Dad asks about the child’s name, smile and shrug. After you’ve named the child something else, if he is unhappy, smile and shrug. You can add “sorry” if you like. Who cares if he stews about it? If he gets nasty, leave. You are under no obligation to name your child after him or anyone else.

Dear Annie: I won’t be able to sleep until I write to “Indiana,” the lady whose husband repeats himself constantly and asks the same questions over and over.

We thought my husband was suffering from occasional dizziness and disorientation. Eventually, I noticed he was asking the same questions repeatedly and saying the same things over and over. Our family physician suggested he see a neurologist for testing, which showed my husband had vascular dementia and had suffered a small stroke.

He is doing much better now. Please tell “Indiana” to make an appointment with a good neurologist. She should also tell her hubby that she will walk this walk with him, and then smother him with love. Fear of the unknown is what he’s all about right now. I will pray for both of them. — Baton Rouge, La.

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Published in The Messenger 3.6.09

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