Posted: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 8:01 pm
Dear Annie: My 28-year-old son whom I love dearly is living with his pregnant girlfriend, “Salome,” in my basement. He is due to earn his bachelor’s degree in three months, and the child is due around the same time.
Salome does not know how to cook and doesn’t have a job. She collects disability for ADHD and is taking classes at the local community college. She sleeps until she is ready to get up and then does nothing. Occasionally, I need access to my laundry room, and I cringe at the sight of the mess. The girl doesn’t seem to care about the pigsty they’ve created, yet she says she doesn’t want to live with her family during her pregnancy because of the unclean conditions there.
Recently we had a heated argument because she reacted negatively when I requested she reduce the list of attendees to her baby shower, which is being held at my home. Unfortunately, a lot of nasty things were said and now I have no relationship with her at all. My son handles her with kid gloves, but I can’t put up with her childish behavior any longer.
I am now alienated from them while they live in my house. I want them to leave, but my son has asked me to hang on until he completes college and gets a job. My husband, my soul mate of 37 years, recently died and I feel the need to find a new life for myself. I’d like to move closer to my family. I applied for a part-time job in my old hometown and am praying I will get it. What do I do in the meantime? — Can’t Live Like This
Dear Can’t Live: Salome sounds very immature, and based on her family’s description, we can only assume she never learned how to clean a house. It’s too bad you’re no longer close enough to teach her. However, your son also lives in the basement and is equally responsible for keeping things tidy. We cannot imagine how they are going to manage with a child.
Give your son a deadline for moving out, and offer to help him look for an apartment. Use the time to try to make peace with Salome, since she is going to be the mother of your grandchild.
Dear Annie: I have worked for many years in a small office that includes receptionists, medical assistants, nurses and doctors. One of the younger women is getting married this summer. She is friendly to me and we work well together.
I believe most of the other people in this office have been invited to the wedding, but not me. People are starting to discuss the event, which is a bit hurtful. This is the second office wedding in the last two years that I have not been invited to.
How do I be gracious about this and not take it personally? Am I supposed to get a card or gift for the bride? I sure don’t feel like it. Do I simply accept that I work with insensitive people? — Medically Competent Lady
Dear Lady: Office invitations are tricky because, while friendly, you are not always close enough to be invited. It is inconsiderate of the others to chatter on about it, but it is still appropriate for you to send the bride a card with your good wishes. And we hope you will.
Dear Annie: “Miffed in Maryland” was upset to learn his wife’s brother had not been legally married. Since when did his brother-in-law’s marital status become all about him? It’s none of his business. Maybe the couple wanted a ceremony before God and witnesses but didn’t feel the piece of paper was necessary. I doubt Adam and Eve had a marriage license. I think this is just an excuse for “Miffed” to cut his ties with a family he feels is morally inferior. — Not Buying it in New Mexico
Dear N.M.: One of the benefits of this column is it provides an outlet for people to vent. “Miffed” did so, and now, so have you. Thanks for writing.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to email@example.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 3.10.09