Annie 4.15.09

Dear Annie: My daughter is engaged to my boss’ son, who also works for the company. On a recent out-of-town business trip, I observed my future son-in-law taking a “lady of the evening” into his hotel room. He did not see me.

Should I tell my daughter about this? If she confronts her fiancé, he will know where the information came from because I was the only other person from the office on the trip. I am almost certain to lose my job if I speak up.

I am torn between looking out for myself and looking out for my daughter. Maybe the son’s behavior was just a one-time thing and after he is married, he won’t do it again. How should I handle this? — Mr. T.

Dear Mr. T.: We realize you don’t want to put your job at risk, but your daughter needs to know. Not only is her fiancé jeopardizing their relationship, but also her health. He could pass along a sexually transmitted disease. That doesn’t mean, however, that she should be insensitive to your situation. Talk to her calmly and privately. Say you believe you saw her fiancé with another woman, but you aren’t 100 percent sure what was going on.

Then leave it alone. Don’t bring it up at the office. If your boss (or his son) should mention anything, make it clear that it’s between your daughter and her fiancé and you don’t intend to become involved in any disagreements they have.

Dear Annie: We invited friends to spend the week with us to celebrate the Mardi Gras festivities in our area. We even reserved a condo on the beach.

The first night we went to dinner together, and the next day we spent time with them at a parade, but after that we did not see them much. Each morning they were up and gone before we got out of bed. When we ran into them during a street party, they barely spent three minutes with us and then headed off again.

I feel like we were used for a free vacation. This is my husband’s best friend and his wife, but I don’t care to see them again. My husband agreed that they were rude, but he’s much more forgiving. Do I just let it go? Do I not invite them back? How do I get even so they can see how badly they behaved? — Steamed Like Crawfish

Dear Steamed: We’re not in favor of “getting even.” You’ll feel terrible afterward. Is it possible your guests thought they were doing you a favor by entertaining themselves? Some people have an exaggerated sense of imposing on others. You can tell them you are sorry they didn’t spend more time in your company, and we don’t recommend you invite them back for a visit any time soon. But please don’t stand in the way of your husband’s friendship with his best pal.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Only One in Ohio,” who questioned sharing the cost of flowers and gifts with married couples.

I have a similar problem at lunch with friends and co-workers. Usually we ask for one check to make it easier for the server, but when the bill comes, we are expected to split everything evenly. I don’t mind if everyone’s meal cost about the same, but if someone orders a dish twice the price of my meal, this practice doesn’t seem fair. I hesitate to speak up because I don’t want to appear cheap. What do you say? — Sharing the Cost

Dear Sharing: It is wrong to expect others to share the cost of your meal when you have ordered a great deal more food or drink. If it happens a lot, ask for separate checks, saying, “I wouldn’t dream of having you pay for the extravagant dessert I’m considering.”

Annie’s Snippet for Income Tax Day (credit Laurence J. Peter): “Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.”

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Published in The Messenger 4.15.09

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