Annie 4.27.09

Dear Annie: My sister cheated on her husband and had an affair with a married man for several years. The man was separated from his wife at the time. My sister insisted the man loved her dearly and passionately, and I believed her since she seemed so happy.

I later discovered that the entire time, the man was trying to get his wife back. When his wife found out about the affair, the guy dumped my sister in a heartbeat. He has since been doing everything in his power to regain his wife’s love, trust and respect. Meanwhile, this man’s wife told everyone in town about my sister. She called my sister’s husband, let everyone at my sister’s job know about the affair and also told my sister’s teenage children. My sister came out looking like a slut while this man was able to get his family back.

Though I’m sure the guy must be suffering, too, why is it that my sister is the worst person in the affair? My brother-in-law has stayed with her, but he sees her as less than worthy and tells her so constantly. Her children have lost respect for her. Why should she be the only one to take the blame? Because she is a woman and a mother? She had the affair because the man told her he loved her. Why is she the bad guy? — Angry Sister

Dear Angry: Your sister is no more at fault than the Other Man, but she is not without blame. A man claiming he loves you is not a reason to cheat. She willingly entered into this affair, and there are consequences when you betray your husband and family. Stop defending her poor choices, and suggest she and her husband get counseling so they can try to repair the damage.

Dear Annie: My 17-year-old son was dating a nice girl. When they broke up, she became a little upset and started harassing him at school. It got out of hand and she was suspended.

My son and this girl are in orchestra together. During her suspension, there was a concert, which she wasn’t allowed to attend. The orchestra rules state that if you miss a performance, you are marked down a grade. I just found out she still received an “A” in orchestra and has been bragging about getting straight A’s even though she was suspended.

I know the orchestra teacher tried to get the principal to change her mind and let this girl perform at the concert. I’d like to call the principal and bring this undeserved grade to her attention. It isn’t right she still received an A when she didn’t attend the performance. — Mom

Dear Mom: Please stay out of this. What this girl did or didn’t get on her report card is not your business. You are trying to punish her because she harassed your son, but the school already did that, whether you approve of the result or not. It’s time to back off.

Dear Annie: You blew it. I was in the same situation as “Desperate for Help in Massachusetts,” whose wife won’t have sex anymore. After putting our three children through college, I got out. Life is too short. I was tired of having sex by myself, but I endured. Having fulfilled my parental obligations to the max, it was high time I devoted the rest of my life to me. I found a normal woman and have had the pleasure of enjoying intimacy before I die.

My ex and I are still good friends, but I will never consider marrying again. Twenty-seven years is enough. — It’s About Time in Louisville

Dear Louisville: This worked for you, but divorce isn’t the solution for everyone, and we believe in most instances couples should do their best to save the marriage before taking this final step. But we appreciate your weighing in.

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Published in The Messenger 4.27.09

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