Argus Hamilton on NWTNTODAY.COM

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody? Brett Favre was greeted by thunderous boos by Green Bay Packers fans Sunday as he ran onto Lambeau Field. The fans haven’t forgiven him. The game was played under a full moon, and that doesn’t count the ones he saw during the bus ride to the stadium. New York health officials recalled five hundred thousand pounds of ground beef Monday due to E. coli. This germ doesn’t kid around. The difference between E. coli and President Obama is that E. coli doesn’t need two months to develop an exit strategy. Harvard Professor William Wilson announced Sunday he’ll teach a course on the HBO series The Wire. It’s a vocational training course. The Wire teaches graduating seniors how to sell crack in the projects and still get Screen Actors Guild insurance. White House adviser David Axelrod belittled Rush Limbaugh as a mere entertainer Sunday. He’s become a real problem for them. It turns out that getting the whole country into green cars doesn’t help the Democrats unless the cars don’t have radios. Curb Your Enthusiasm angered Catholics last week when Larry David accidentally splashed a portrait of Jesus hanging on a bathroom wall while the comedian was urinating. They had to make a few changes to get the scene on the air. Originally it was a portrait of President Obama, but the network thought that would be in bad taste. West Hollywood launched an advertising campaign Monday to attract gay tourists from all over the world to the town. The timing is no accident. Now that health care’s about to be paid for by the taxpayers there’s no reason not to date in West Hollywood. North Carolina Congress-woman Virginia Foxx said Monday that health care reform is more dangerous to America’s freedom than terrorism. She sounded fed up. President Obama is a smoker, but being a good customer only takes you so far in North Carolina. Hillary Clinton said Friday she seeks common ground between Arabs and Israelis in peace talks. Is this wise? Common ground between Arabs and Israelis only leads to six-day wars over water rights followed by a new round of jokes about Egypt’s army. Kellogg’s was asked by health officials Monday to prove its advertising claims that Rice Krispies helps support a child’s immune system. These medical claims for food are getting out of control. The free toy inside every box should not be a syringe. Dick Cheney told the FBI seventy-two times that he can’t recall details of how CIA agent Valerie Plame’s identity got leaked by the Bush White House. It’s perfectly plausible. He vowed he would never forget the World Trade Center attack and that takes up so much room in his brain he can’t even remember where he left his keys. President Obama congratulated Hamid Karzai for his election win in Afghanistan Monday. Ballot fraud and a canceled runoff gave him the election by default. When Obama sent him the recipe for Chicago-style last week people thought it was for pizza. Arnold Palmer inducted the late President Dwight Eisenhower into the Golf Hall of Fame. Fifty years ago he installed a putting green and driving range on the White House lawn. One day President Obama will be inducted into the Swingset Hall of Fame. President Obama met his Council of Economic Advisers at the White House Monday and discussed how to make green jobs. It’s possible. The surest way to wind up with a green job nowadays is to go out on your lunch hour and eat a contaminated hamburger. Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com. Published in The Messenger 11.4.09