Argus Hamilton
Posted: Thursday, November 5, 2009 8:01 pm
By: Argus Hamilton
HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how’s everybody? Brett Favre was covered by one Fox TV camera aimed only at him during Sunday’s Green Bay game. It broadcast his every word, his every expression and his every reaction on the Internet. By the day’s end, half the country thought he was president. President Obama refused to go to Berlin to help mark the twentieth anniversary the fall of the Berlin Wall next week. Why should he? It’ll be a huge celebration of freedom triumphing over totalitarianism, and Tuesday night was tough enough on him. President Obama was rebuked Tuesday in gubernatorial elections in New Jersey and Virginia. His wife and kids went to a show while he watched the returns alone. When they came home there was a bullet hole in the television and the dog was missing. New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine got beat by his GOP challenger Chris Christie Tuesday. Corzine made fun of Christie being overweight in campaign ads. You’d think his pollsters would’ve told him that’s no way to win votes during an obesity epidemic. Virginia Democrats were swept from office Tuesday as Republicans won governor and lieutenant governor with fifty-nine percent of the vote. The joy was muted. You can’t sing Dixie in this day and age unless you have carried sixty percent of the vote. Ford Motors reported a stunning billion-dollar third quarter, igniting a rally on Wall Street Monday. It’s the only U.S. car company that didn’t take a bailout or go bankrupt. Now they’re being shunned in the lunchroom for showing up the other kids. Los Angeles police chief candidates were grilled by commissioners Monday about their record on police brutality. It serves a vital function in our eco-system. If Los Angeles isn’t burned to the ground every twenty years there is no room for growth. The Fox NFL Sunday football panel will broadcast from an Afghanistan military base Sunday to honor U.S. troops there. They’ll be safe from the air. You’d think that a Predator would never attack a sportscaster if only out of professional courtesy. Michael Jackson’s This Is It was a giant box office hit Sunday, finishing ahead of Paranormal in ticket sales. Moviegoers will pay ten dollars to see dead people. Nancy Pelosi’s poll numbers in Washington could be the start of a career in Hollywood. President Obama declared Hamid Karzai winner of the Afghan election Monday. He walks around wearing a cape and twirling a cane, and his brother is a heroin kingpin. They look like a couple of undercover journalists trying to bust an ACORN office. George W. Bush made the first of nineteen scheduled motivational speeches last week before a business convention in Ft. Worth. He’s dangerously good at this. Every time he made a speech on television he motivated the Democrats to win another election. CBS News reports President Obama has played more golf in nine months in office than George W. Bush did in his first three years. The president’s playing partners say his short game is excellent. He thinks he can use a sand wedge to get out of Iraq. Majority Leader Harry Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi each unveiled health care reform bills which include the public option. One version gives each state an opt-out clause. South Carolina might vote for it if it’s retroactive to the Civil War. Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com. Published in The Messenger 11.05.09
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Argus Hamilton
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