Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama bowed low to Japan’s Emperor Akihito when they were introduced in Tokyo Saturday. Earlier this year he bowed to Saudi Arabia’s king. He could be impeached if he doesn’t show the proper respect toward the makers of cars and gasoline.
President Obama landed in Beijing Monday to engage in high-level meetings with the leadership of Red China. This meeting was long overdue. For crying out loud, Barack Obama has been president for ten months, it’s about time he met with the owners.
Sarah Palin kicked off her book tour Monday on Oprah Winfrey’s show. Many people found the book aggravating. The book has no index at the end, forcing David Letterman to read the entire book so he could find out what kind of a curse she put on him.
Cheech and Chong will perform a tour in February to lobby for the legalization of marijuana. It didn’t work out very well for them. If Cheech and Chong had moved on from pot to coke and stayed with they group they might have been president someday.
President Obama addressed Chinese students Sunday where he urged China to stop censoring the Internet. The Chinese government refused to televise his speech. They didn’t want to infuriate their country by pre-empting their weekly dance contest.
The Justice Department announced Friday that World Trade Center attack plotter Khalid Sheik Muhammed will be tried in the Manhattan federal court downtown. It’s not going to be a typical jury trial. The way it works is, the court will be called into session and if the World Trade Center comes out and sees its shadow he will be let off.
New Yorkers were angry Friday about the decision to try the World Trade Center plotters in a Manhattan court. It’s presents a huge challenge to the locals. Alex Rodriguez will have to elope with David Letterman just to get their names in the Post.
Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez vowed Friday to rid his country of golf. A ban on golf could cripple his nation’s economy. In six months Venezuela will have no hard currency at all and that’s just from Michael Jordan taking his wagering elsewhere.
Al-Qaeda cleric Anwar al-Alwaki told a Yemen newspaper that he exchanged e-mails with Fort Hood assassin Major Nidal Hasan. The FBI intercepted the e-mails and said some of what Hasan wrote was benign and the rest was protected by the First Amendment. As long as killing Americans is part of your religious belief, we must be tolerant of it.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 11.18.09

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