Annie 12.15.09

Dear Annie: I am a 24-year-old female and a virgin, not because of any moral objections, but because I have had a hormone deficiency since I hit puberty.
I know guys are interested in me. I have always turned them down because I never had any desire for a physical relationship. However, I talked to my doctor and am now taking hormones to correct the problem.
I recently met someone who interests me. If I take it to a physically intimate level, should I say anything about my inexperience? If so, what is the best way to have that conversation? I am afraid my extended period of celibacy might make a more experienced person nervous or turned off. — Rather Embarrassed in Minnesota
Dear Minnesota: You are young enough that your status is not an issue. Many women your age and older are still virgins. More importantly, we guarantee men are not bothered by this, and in some instances, it will have the opposite effect. Most men like to believe they are your first. If you become intimate, it’s OK to say you don’t have prior experience. The guy will take it from there.
Dear Annie: I recently lost my infant daughter. This has been a very difficult time for my family, but I want to be considerate and am starting to sit down to send out thank-you notes, but I’m not sure how.
We have never experienced a loss this close in my family. We live in a small town and received a lot of cards, meals, plants and floral arrangements, money, gifts and phone calls.
Who should get a thank-you note? I am putting something in the local newspaper to say thank you to everyone. Is that good enough, or do I need to send everyone a personal card? And what about Christmas cards? I always send a family photo, but the last one included our infant daughter. Is it OK to send that photograph with our cards? How do I sign them?
I want to include our daughter, but some people might not understand. I am so confused right now. What is the right thing to do? — Still Grieving
Dear Still: Anyone who cooked a meal, made a donation, sent flowers or did any other kindness should receive a thank-you note. Those who sent personal cards with handwritten notes should also receive a short note. Enlist the assistance of your friends or family to get through them. Printed cards with a signature do not require a thank you. As for the Christmas cards, it is OK to include the photograph with your infant daughter, although her name should not be part of the signature. People will understand. Our condolences on your loss.
Dear Annie: You have printed many columns about men looking at porn. I am a marriage, relationship and sex coach. Men look at porn as a masturbation aid, and they use it primarily because women don’t fully take care of their sexual needs. Research indicates that 60 percent of wives have sex with their husbands on average once a week. For most men, this is a starvation diet. Women also don’t like to wear the sexy lingerie men enjoy seeing. Pornography fills that void.
I am frankly amazed our divorce rate isn’t higher. Marriage implies a sexual relationship. Where is the love when a woman routinely denies a man the affection he needs? If a woman gave her man nurturing and lovemaking four times a week, it would amount to approximately 1 percent of her time and make the marriage bond stronger. — Sex Therapist
Dear Therapist: We agree that women should not simply deny their husbands sex, but to assume it’s mostly a matter of time management is a gross oversimplification, ignoring all the reasons why some women find it difficult to be intimate with any frequency. But yes, they should be willing to work on it.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 12.15.09

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