Argus Hamilton
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 8:01 pm
By: Argus Hamilton
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody? The New Orleans Saints will play the Minnesota Vikings for the NFC Championship Sunday in a game where either NFL team could run up a big score. The city is rich with tradition. If New Orleans gets blown out it’s traditional to blame George W. Bush. NBC News pundits attributed Scott Brown’s Senate upset to scared voters taking comfort in white male candidates. He’s for liberty, low taxes and free enterprise. Brett Favre has proved that even something old can have one more Super Bowl left in it. GOP Sen.-elect Scott Brown addressed reporters Wednesday after his Massachusetts win. It was risky. He admitted growing up poor, driving a truck and being a regular guy. Republican leaders wouldn’t endorse him until they were sure he wasn’t a spy. Senate Democrats put off health care reform Wednesday until Scott Brown is sworn in. They’re counting to see what parts of the health care bill they can pass. They think they can get 60 votes to rename a post office after Florence Nightingale. Tiger Woods reportedly donated $3 million Monday to the Wyclef Jean relief organization for rebuilding Haiti. He gave the money without thinking twice about it. Whenever the earth moves it costs Tiger Woods another $3 million. The Golden Globes withstood the arrival of winter storms Sunday in Los Angeles, where the tone of the evening at the Beverly Hilton was properly restrained. The mood was very subdued in the hotel ballroom. In the pouring rain, the cocaine got wet. Pope Benedict gave a sermon vowing to improve relations between Catholics and Jews when he spoke at a synagogue in Rome’s Old Jewish Ghetto Sunday. The pope can start by having a little talk with his advance man. Jews attend synagogue on Saturday. Vancouver was reported Monday to be set to host the Winter Olympics games next month in British Columbia. The athletes are training hard. Last week President Obama just set a world record in the Men’s Downhill and that was in the Washington Post poll. Joe Biden was tasked by the White House to make calls to Iraq Monday while the president hosted a King Day celebration. It’s a shrewd division of labor. The last thing they needed was for Joe Biden to commemorate the legacy of Martin Luther Vandross. New York’s Kennedy Airport completely shut down Sunday when an unscreened male passenger slipped past security. His lawyer says he went through the wrong door. This is the second breach of Kennedy security in one week if you count the Senate seat. Massachusetts Democrat Martha Coakley enlisted a Haitian priest on Sunday to pray for her to win Tuesday’s Senate election. What was she thinking? Considering the priest’s track record praying for Haiti it’s no surprise that the roof fell in on her. Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin declared Monday that chickens from the U.S. contain too much chlorine and are unsafe to eat. There’s nothing we can do about this. The free-range chickens in California have access to six million swimming pools. The French government blamed the United States Monday for the delay in relief supplies arriving in Haiti. It’s a former French colony like Beirut, Vietnam and Angola. France is such an irresponsible mother, she is known around the U.N. as OctoMom. ——— Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com. Published in The Messenger 1.22.10
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Argus Hamilton
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