Posted: Wednesday, March 10, 2010 8:01 pm
Dear Annie: I have been married to a beautiful woman for more than 10 years, and we have been together for nearly 20. In spite of our close relationship, I am troubled by the increasingly peculiar nature of our intimate lives.
Always sexually vibrant, my lovely wife has become a wild woman in the bedroom once or twice a month, but only after heavy drinking during one of her “girls’ nights out.” The rest of the time, she is disinterested at best and harshly standoffish at worst.
I love my wife and am amazed at her occasional carnality, but the one or two days of erotic pleasure are becoming less and less worth the 28 days of emotional instability and sexual rejection. What can I do? — Frustrated in Pennsylvania
Dear Frustrated: The fact that your wife is only interested in you when she is totally smashed is a problem. We won’t even get into what might be happening at her “girls’ night out” that makes her so enthusiastic in the bedroom. If she is going through menopause, she may need the combination to rev up her libido. It also would explain the mood swings. The only way to work through these kinds of problems is by dealing with them honestly. Ask your wife to talk to her doctor about her “emotional instability” and lack of libido. Then please get into counseling so you can work on this together.
Dear Annie: My best friend has a beautiful, bright, articulate almost-6-year-old daughter, “Kit.” They have a nice home and good manners and are fun to be with.
Kit is in kindergarten. When we go out, she is perfectly capable of using the restroom herself. However, at home, Kit prefers to use her potty chair. Unfortunately, the potty chair is kept in the family room, just a few feet from the dining room table. Kit uses the chair in front of whoever is in the room, and will also eat dinner and watch TV at the same time.
I’ve repeatedly suggested that Kit’s potty chair should, at the very least, be in the bathroom. But when Kit has to use it, she will pick up the chair and carry it to wherever she wants. Last week, she brought it next to the TV and proceeded to poop in it. Her mom thought it was hilarious. I told her Kit needed a potty intervention. She suggested I write to Annie’s Mailbox. What suggestions do you have? — Deborah in Los Angeles
Dear Deborah: We have to admit we laughed, but we’re on your side. Kit needs to confine her toilet activities to the bathroom, and Mom should encourage this instead of turning a blind eye. It doesn’t do Kit any favors or teach her anything useful by allowing her to carry her potty chair all over the house and poop in front of company. Better that she stops this sooner rather than later.
Dear Annie: “Married and Alone” complained about her husband, who tells her “thank you” and “I love you,” but doesn’t buy her gifts and cards. Is she kidding?
Every day this man shows her how much he loves her by working hard so she has the privilege of staying home with those two kids. How often does she give him gifts and cards that let him know how much she appreciates HIM? Has she thought that perhaps he’s too exhausted to stop at a store to buy her a cheap trinket?
You should have verbally kicked this woman in the pants and told her to volunteer at a battered women’s shelter. Perhaps that would make her appreciate what a good husband she has. — LAC
Dear LAC: Everyone is different when it comes to the amount and type of attention they require. You have a good attitude for your situation, but not everyone responds so positively. “Married” needs to learn how to be engaged in other activities. Volunteering is always a good idea. Thanks for saying so.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 West Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 3.10.10