Posted: Wednesday, March 31, 2010 8:01 pm
By: By Lisa Smartt
I try not to use this weekly column for my own personal therapy. But today I’m asking you, the reader, to be my therapist. Like a good therapist, I know you’ll be listening (reading) with kindness and concern. You can even nod your head a little if you relate to what I’m sharing and want me to know that I’m not alone. I’m going to vent and at the end of my venting, hopefully, we will both come up with a way to move forward with optimism.
It hasn’t been my best week. I’ve lost a lot of sleep, which is unusual for me. Utter frustration has been waiting at every turn. I participated in a two-hour meeting about a very important subject which turned out to be a complete waste of time. No. It was worse than a waste of time. When something’s a waste of time, well, it’s just a waste. This was a meeting centered around piles of meaningless paper and utter hopelessness. I got angry and emotional and probably could have said things a little better to the people sitting around the meeting table. My words weren’t seasoned with grace. And I’ve not yet learned to have a thought that doesn’t come flying out my mouth. Yes. I saw your disapproving glare just then. You’re right. I need to work on that.
On a completely different note, I’ve been extremely concerned about our country. Regardless of your political views, surely you’d agree that the United States is deeply and dangerously divided right now. My Facebook account is buzzing day and night with the constant battle of words between my conservative friends and liberal friends. Angry words. Passionate words. Unfortunately, I’ve gotten heavily involved in that debate because it concerns a subject I hold dear. But in the end, believe it or not, none of us has changed the other one’s mind. We remain a United States utterly divided. I know. I saw you shake your head and look at the floor. I agree. This one won’t get settled in the therapist’s office. It’s much greater than that and you’re right. It’s sad.
I feel myself becoming bitter. And I don’t want that. In fact, just writing those words scares me to death. I don’t want to be a bitter old woman who looks like she’s been sucking on a lemon. I don’t want to see the glass as half empty. You’ve all known people like that. When life brought trials or difficulties, they just threw in the towel and said, “To heck with it.” Anger and a distorted need for justice have been allowed to win their hearts and affections. And it shows. It literally shows on their tired-looking angry faces.
Life is not fair. It wasn’t fair last year. It won’t be fair next year. People make mistakes. Sometimes they hurt the ones they love and even the ones we love. Justice is never executed perfectly on this earth ... or at least not perfectly by our standards. I’m coming to accept that. Thanks for being my therapist today. Thanks for not judging me too harshly.
By the time you’re reading this, it will be holy week ... the week before Easter. It’s the perfect time to lay down my bitterness. It’s time to celebrate the One who lived in perfection and paid for my transgressions. It’s time to focus more on the gospel of Christ. It’s time for me to live a new life. Bitter-free.
For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her Web site lisasmartt.com.
Published in The Messenger 3.31.10
Lisa Smartt, The Smartt View