Dear Annie: A while back, I went on Facebook and found many friends I had not heard from in years. My 21-year-old granddaughter sent me a message that she wanted to “befriend me,” and I agreed. “Nicole” is a college student and lives about an hour away.
I soon began receiving notes in which Nicole swore and made crude remarks. I told her to watch what she wrote, as she should not do this online or off, and reminded her that those messages could be seen by everyone in the family. However, she kept it up, so my husband wrote saying that such terribly crude comments could not be coming from the girl he knew. I did the only thing I could to save her reputation with my family and took her off my list of friends.
Prior to this, Nicole had stopped calling us, never came to visit (except on Christmas, which she said she did not enjoy and was glad when it was over) and didn’t return any of our calls.
We talked to our daughter (Nicole’s mother) about this, and she said there was nothing she could do. I wanted my daughter to tell Nicole that what she says online could hurt her in the future, and that swearing is not the way to get her point across. She sounds angry at the world. What can I do? — It’s Cold in Maine
Dear Maine: Nothing. You have told Nicole how you feel, and you have expressed your disappointment to her mother. You cannot protect the girl from her own foolishness, so we urge you to back off before it further damages your relationship. Since her Facebook postings are so troublesome, you were smart to remove her from your friend list. Now forget about it.
Dear Annie: I am in my late 50s. I lived by myself for 10 years before my significant other moved in six years ago. Sometimes I long for the days when I was alone.
I am not sure whether I really want him here or not. I know it would be hard to live by myself again, do all the house maintenance and go out socially as often. But I still do all the laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning.
I guess my question is, do other people find that the person they live with drives them crazy? I hate the way he smells when he hasn’t showered. I don’t like him walking on my clean floors with wet boots. His constant embellishments annoy me to the point where I don’t believe anything he says. He also talks too loudly.
I’ve never seen a person try so hard to please me, but I attribute that to his not wanting me to throw him out. He’s said as much. Inside my head, I’m constantly complaining about him and wonder whether there’s anybody better. I don’t think he can change. But I probably would miss him if he were gone. Should I just settle for what I have? — Always Wondering
Dear Always: How romantic. Living with someone requires developing a tolerance for their annoying habits. We’re sure you have some, too. However, it doesn’t sound as if your affection can overcome your irritation. Yes, of course you’d miss him, so weigh the pros and cons and choose what makes you happiest.
Dear Annie: I never miss your column. You always offer sound advice that seems so apparent.
I just read the column that included a letter about a flexitarian not finding appropriate food and another from someone bothered by office smokers. Both letters were all about “ME.” Some people need to get off their high horses and become a little more tolerant. — A Loyal Reader in Louisville, Ky.
Dear Loyal Reader: Tolerance is an admirable trait, but there are limits. One should not have to tolerate things that are dangerous to one’s health or against the law. And it is a kindness to accommodate the preferences of someone you care about.
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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 4.9.10