We haven’t mowed

I know. I know. Many of you have already mowed the yard three or four times. Some of you have already mowed seven or eight times. Well, congratulations! The grass in your yard is short. I hope you and your short grass will be very happy together. Our grass is long right now. And yes, we are managing to find happiness together quite nicely.
We have yet to hear the purr of the riding mower out at our place. There are several factors involved. First of all, our mower needs to go to the shop for repairs. Some of you are thinking, “Wait a minute! Didn’t Lisa write a column last year about their mower needing to go to the shop?” Yes. I was hoping you wouldn’t remember. That was a DIFFERENT mower. We are collecting lawn mowers. Some of them are dead. Others are on lawn mower life support. Then there’s the one that could probably be brought back to life if only there was a 911 number for lawn care equipment. Unfortunately, when it comes to sick mowers, there’s no medical emergency number. The mower has to be loaded into a trailer, taken to a repair shop and then comes the waiting for a diagnosis, a problematic journey which requires more tenacity than we currently possess.
There are two MAIN reasons for our constant mower trauma. Reason No. 1 is that we love a bargain. You know that saying, “You get what you pay for.” We have our own saying: There’s nothin’ like buyin’ a used riding lawn mower for the price of a nice dinner out. Yeah. That’s what we always say. Reason No. 2 for our mower trauma is that our huge yard is a danger zone. Our terrain is uneven and covered with trees. The trees drop limbs and sticks. The boys drop swords, G I Joes, Frisbees and old shoes. These factors and more make our place a virtual Waterloo for lawn care equipment. I’m surprised the mowers haven’t picketed for hazard pay.
Are you convinced yet? Have we been forgiven or excused for not mowing? If not, let me make this final passionate plea on our behalf. Our yard takes about five hours to mow with a riding mower. Yes. Five hours. This is the same exact amount of time it takes to drive to Garrett Lake and spend the morning fishin’. It’s the exact amount of time it takes to watch two movies with a fried bologna sandwich break in between. Five hours is just enough time to cook dinner, eat with friends and play Pictionary. Obviously, our priorities in life don’t allow much time for mowing.
We ARE going to mow the yard. I promise. We will either get our current mower fixed or we’ll forego eating out Friday night so we can buy a NEW mower. Either way, our yard will eventually be beautiful and pristine. For those of you who have already mowed seven or eight times, we ask for your forgiveness. If you’ve driven down our country road you’ve no doubt been offended by our “free spirited” attitude regarding lawn care. Please don’t hold it against us. On the other hand, if you’re like us and you haven’t mowed yet, we want to encourage you. Slowly put down that Pictionary game. Walk outside and take a deep breath. You can do it. The first step is always the hardest.
For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her Web site lisasmartt.com.
Published in The Messenger 4.14.10

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