I like being a mom. But if motherhood were declared an Olympic sport, by today’s standards, I doubt I’d even make the team.
Recently, a friend in another state was preparing to adopt a baby. On her Facebook page, she posted the fact that she was considering buying breast milk online. Yes, breast milk online. Her friends recommended this heartily as long as she had a full understanding of the milk donor’s diet. Did the donor eat processed carbs, take over-the-counter medications or make a C in high school calculus? If so, she needed to find another milk donor. ALSO, another friend thought she might consider buying a special nutrition additive at a baby website. This substance could be added to the donor milk for optimum nutrition. I don’t know what the website was called but my guess would be “Motherhood Gone Crazy.” I decided to add some sanity to this discussion by saying that our children drank the regular ol’ Similac™ mixed with water and so far neither of the boys has scurvy or has shown homicidal tendencies. They do tend to chase each other mercilessly with sticks. But I doubt that’s related to infant nutrition.
Another young mom was telling me about her discussion with other new moms. Who was making their own baby food? Who was wearing their baby in a sling versus letting the baby “cry it out” in the baby bed? Who had chosen to enroll their little one in “baby learning” classes? “Baby learning” classes? That’s it. I’m gonna start leading “baby learning” classes at my home in Dresden. Sign up TODAY before the class fills up. You don’t want to be the only one whose baby is not prepared for the academic rigors of toddlerhood, do you? For only $59.99 per month your baby can be smarter and more verbal and develop an understanding of micro-economics. Please bring your own blanket from home, along with a gallon jug of hand sanitizer. Each mom will place her baby on the blanket while I provide detailed exercises which involve (but are not limited to) cooing, funny faces and the singing of intellectually stimulating songs. Of course, the micro economics lesson for your baby is the fact that his mom was willing to part with $60 so he could lie on a blanket on my living room floor.
My mom was born in 1936. Her mother didn’t have enough breast milk so my mom drank cow’s milk. Non-homogenized cow’s milk. We now know that cow’s milk is not the best thing for infants. It’s good that we know that. But amazingly, my mom was fine. Exceptional, in fact. Abe Lincoln was born in a one-room log cabin. I doubt he learned Latin from a DVD or ever sat in a high chair. Thomas Edison only had three months of public schooling. He was considered academically unfit to learn. George Washington Carver had 10 brothers and sisters and was born into slavery. I’m sure his early childhood education would be considered minimal by today’s standards.
If you’re a new mom, take a deep breath. Let your baby crawl in the dirt once in a while. Sing songs while you’re washing dishes. Cuddle and coo when you put her to bed. I promise that being a good mom isn’t rocket science. Just ask a rocket scientist.
For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her website lisasmartt.com.
Published in The Messenger 8.18.10