Posted: Friday, August 27, 2010 8:02 pm
Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I met each other at a military school. A month later, we moved in together. My 12-year-old daughter and I moved 900 miles to be with him. Six weeks later, he asked me to marry him.
Soon after, we both began getting cold feet. For no reason, I became enraged with jealousy and started to smother him. The truth is, we both have behaved foolishly. Three times, he questioned our commitment. Now we have officially called off the engagement and are considering selling the ring to pay off our debts. We have a lot of financial difficulties right now.
Can this be fixed? If I love him, why don’t I trust him? Why am I so jealous? We both have had bad relationships in the past, but we are smart enough to understand the need to put those behind us. So why can’t we move on? Is there any way to get back the feelings we had for each other in school? I am so confused. — Love at First Sight
Dear Love: That initial powerful attraction at first sight is not love. It is infatuation. It can become love over time, but the passion and excitement of being with someone new does not last forever. There must be more underneath for a relationship to succeed. Both you and your boyfriend seem to realize that you rushed things, and now you are afraid it won’t last, so you are sabotaging your chances. You don’t want to wreck a good thing, but neither do you want to stay in a bad relationship. Because there is a child involved, we recommend premarital counseling to determine what you have and whether it is worth saving.
Dear Annie: A neighbor recently asked me to join her health club. We have been good friends for about six months. She goes to the club daily, but I’m not much for exercising in public. However, she offered me her free guest pass, so I decided to go and check it out.
“Lori” picked me up after work, and we both needed to change into our sweats. The locker room had no individual stalls except in the bathroom, so that’s where I went to change. When I came out to put my things in the locker, Lori was stripped naked and stood there talking to me in the buff. I was mortified.
I do not feel it was necessary to be stark naked while having a conversation, yet Lori acted as if there was nothing strange about it. I am not used to seeing other adult women naked. She has since asked if I will go back to the gym, but I do not want to find myself in such an uncomfortable situation again. I enjoyed the workout, but I don’t want to lie to her about my reasons for staying away. What should I tell her? — Modest Mary
Dear Mary: We hate to break it to you, but that is normal behavior for a gym locker room. You can thank Lori and tell her you prefer to exercise at home, but since you enjoyed the workout, we think you should give it another try. Change into your sweats before leaving work, or find a way to go directly from home. When you arrive at the gym, you can simply toss your stuff in a locker and head for the equipment. And if you become a member, you can go on your own.
Dear Annie: My husband and I planned our funerals years ago. He built my casket for me. Our daughter made the interior. He used to tell people he made the casket as a Christmas gift, but I didn’t use it, so he wasn’t going to give me any more Christmas presents.
We raised eight children, and he died two months before our 55th wedding anniversary. He had to use my casket since his hadn’t been completed. — Death Is Natural
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 8.27.10