Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Jimmy Carter told CBS News Thursday that Senator Teddy Kennedy killed his health care reform bill thirty years ago to deny him credit for it. Don’t blame the senator. The health care reform bill knew better than to get into the car with Teddy when he’d been drinking.
Pope Benedict preached in Scotland on Thursday where the locals in Edinburgh served him a dish which is cabbage wrapped in sheep intestines. He cheerfully ate it. It may be impossible to attain sainthood once you’ve fought for Hitler but he deserves points for trying.
The White House released data showing that one hundred thousand homes a month are being repossessed and one in seven Americans live in poverty. Even the rich are getting nervous. The new super-charged Porsche Carrera is a two-seater, one’s a bed and one’s a toilet.
The N.Y. Jets apologized for their locker room sexual harassment of Mexican TV reporter Ines Sainz. It became an international incident. The Obama administration was ready to defend the Mexican sportscaster in court but it turns out she entered the locker room legally.
The Weather Channel reported a tornado warning in New York Thursday. High winds and lightning and thunderstorms battered Central Park as funnel clouds formed above. At four o’clock the wind reached tornado force and blew the hair off the roof of Trump Tower.
Michael Jackson’s mother filed suit against an L.A. concert promoter Thursday for medical neglect. The singer was on a mix of seven painkillers and sedatives when he died. Today there is a statue of Michael Jackson in Hollywood thanking him for trying to re-invent the Quaalude.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

Published in The Messenger 9.20.10

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