Argus Hamilton 11.9.10
Posted: Tuesday, November 9, 2010 8:02 pm
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Nancy Pelosi faced a revolt from Southern Democrats Friday after the Democrats lost the House in Tuesday’s mauling by the GOP. Just two years ago the Republican party was an endangered species. It shows how good the Democrats are at conservation.
Michelle Obama vowed Friday to resubmit her Healthy Food Initiative to Congress in January. She’s pushing hard for a national change in attitude. When Bill Clinton was president the White House had two kitchens, a large pantry and its own McDonald’s.
San Francisco passed a local ordinance Monday that bans McDonald’s from giving out toys with Happy Meals. Childhood obesity is at an all-time high in America. That’s why the most popular names for boys and girls last year were Big Mac and Little Debbie.
Charlie Sheen filed for divorce Monday from his third wife Brooke Mueller. The guy is too busy to be married anyway. In addition to his prime-time series on CBS, he’s going to star in a reality show about his daily life called Two and a Half Grams.
Oklahoma was sued by a Muslim group Friday over its new law banning any consideration of Islamic law in Oklahoma courts. The Muslims can’t win. Any group that wants to have its own law in Oklahoma has to prove that Andrew Jackson forced them to live there.
California pot activists began collecting signatures Friday to place marijuana back on the ballot next election. Millions of marijuana backers showed up at the polls Wednesday to vote for pot legalization. Unfortunately the election was Tuesday.
The Taj Mahal Palace Hotel picked all the coconuts off their trees to keep any coconuts from falling on President Obama’s head Friday. Safety first. If a coconut fell and hit Barack Obama on the head he could lose his memory and think he’s still president.
Wall Street stocks soared Thursday over news that the Federal Reserve devalued the dollar to boost U.S. exports. There’s money to be made out there now. Realtors are battling over who will get the commission now that Republicans have flipped the House.
Meg Whitman spent $140 million of her own money and still lost California’s governor race last Tuesday. She should have taken the $140 million and made a super-hero movie starring herself. That’s how Arnold Schwarzenegger became governor.
Sarah Palin gave an interview to Entertainment Tonight’s Mary Hart on Election Eve which left people scratching their heads. She said she’ll run for president if there’s nobody else to do it. It’s the same thing she used to tell her staff in the governor’s office about changing diapers.
House Speaker-in-waiting John Boehner vowed Friday that House Republicans will not compromise their core values on future legislation. This man is the face of diversity in the Republican Party. He’s the first Orange-American to hold the post of Speaker of the House.
George W. Bush tells Oprah Winfrey today that Hurricane Katrina was the hardest time of his presidency. His visit to the scene was inspiring. President Bush stood waist-high in the water of New Orleans and vowed that we will get whoever did this.
The White House stated Friday that President Obama wants a special relationship with India. Last year, Indian farmers asked their unmarried daughters to plow their parched fields while naked to shame the rain gods into producing rainfall. It proves to enterprising Americans there’s always a new reality show out there just waiting to be sold.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 11.9.10