HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama stood in front of India’s congress and bowed low Monday before he gave a speech to them. The gesture didn’t work. The lawmakers still observed the Indian custom of putting the American on hold for 20 minutes before they’d listen to them.
George W. Bush did TV interviews all week to publicize his presidential memoir, titled “Decision Points.” The man has never looked in better form. Whenever George W. Bush looks calm and confident and focused, it’s a sure sign that he’s drinking again.
President Obama got a hero’s welcome when Air Force One landed in Indonesia Tuesday. That’s where he grew up. Last year Indonesia named a school after Barack Obama but they don’t like Westerners to know the school’s sports nickname is the Fighting Husseins.
The White House announced the sale Sunday of 30 Boeing passenger airliners to India. How these jumbo liners get off the ground and stay in the air defies gravity. Each plane weighs 200,000 pounds, and that’s without any Americans on it.
The Labor Department reported Thursday only 64 percent of the American workforce is fully employed. The president did his very best to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. This morning he declared victory in the War on Jobs.
Beverly Hills police found a body on the grounds of Hugh Hefner’s estate Sunday, believed to be a transient who cut through the fence. There’s now a hole in the fence at the Playboy Mansion. The police are looking into it, but they have to wait their turn.
Dallas Cowboys Stadium went wild last Sunday when a gorgeous woman in the stands gave a lap dance to her drunk date during an injury time-out. The fans were sending a message. They wanted the team to go back to acting like it did when they won three Super Bowls.
N.Y. Jets former hostess Jenn Sterger changed her mind for the third time Monday and agreed to discuss Brett Favre’s sex texts with the NFL office. It’s obvious why Brett’s attracted to her. She can’t make a simple decision without publicly going back and forth about it for weeks beforehand.
Chilean rescued miner Edison Pena ran in the New York Marathon Sunday. He stayed alive by running through the tunnel underground for two months. It proves no matter where you are there is always a jogger in the group who thinks he’s going to live longer than anybody else.
The CIA began using small personal drones to stalk terrorists in Pakistan this week. These drones follow individuals everywhere they go from above. Once the paparazzi get ahold of one of these, Lindsay Lohan won’t have to go to a drug dealer to cop a buzz.
Nancy Pelosi said Monday she will run for House Minority Leader and lead the party. Who’s going to tell her? A study last month said the U.S. was the 112th happiest nation in the world, then Nancy Pelosi lost the Speakership and we’re at 17.
President Obama refused blame for the election rout Sunday while Nancy Pelosi planned a Capitol Hill party in her own honor. It’s no surprise. As long as Washington D.C. remains the world capital of narcissistic personality disorder, these people will be our natural leaders.
India hosted a state dinner for President Obama Monday to herald a new special relationship with the United States. It makes sense. The country broke out in civil chaos, religious strife, ethnic rivalry and a bloody civil war after the British left, and so did India.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

Published in The Messenger 11.10.10