HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The Minnesota Vikings halted practice Friday when a white powdery substance was found on their playing field. The team put out a call to Homeland Security. Experts determined that the white substance so unfamiliar to the players was in fact the goal line.
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was in New York Thursday consulting with hair transplant doctors. There’s a reason. Someday he’d like to be vice president of the United States and he can tell just by looking at Joe Biden that’s the only requirement.
Charles Manson was reportedly caught using a cell phone Friday in his jail cell at San Quentin prison. It’s no surprise he’s on the phone. Until Beverly Hills police detectives solve the case of the murdered publicist, he will continue to get calls for consulting work.
The Labor Department reported Friday that the unemployment rate rose to near ten percent. The national mood is grim. It used to be fun to sit and watch Donald Trump tell people they’re fired but now it’s like watching capital punishment on live television.
The U.S. Capitol was swarmed by fresh faces Friday as new lawmakers began arriving before taking office in January. The swearing-in ceremony is a sacred tradition. The new congressmen stand in the Chamber, raise their right hands, and take the Hypocritical Oath.
Hillary Clinton held a town hall meeting in Bahrain Friday. She’s smoothing over the damage done by the WikiLeaks revelations. She hasn’t done damage control like this since she claimed there was a vast right-wing conspiracy when her husband was exposed by DNA Leaks.
Tom DeLay accused Democrats of criminalizing politics following his conviction in Austin for money laundering. It was a felony conviction. Ironically it’s more than likely that Tom will soon get the opportunity to experience first-hand how a real laundry works.
Sarah Palin continued supporting Christine O’Donnell Thursday, urging the defeated Delaware Senate candidate to go on Dancing with the Stars. The shows asks celebrities to put their lives into their choreography. Christine could dance the Funky Chicken Sacrifice.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

Published in The Messenger12.7.10