Annie 12.21.10

Dear Annie: I am living with the girl I fell in love with 40 years ago. “Nancy” and I were separated during the Vietnam War. Last year, we reconnected, divorced our respective spouses and began planning a future together.
I told Nancy I wanted an honest relationship, and she agreed. She told me she was sexually abused by her boss’s son and never filed a complaint. Later, she was gang raped by three men. She didn’t report that, either. Then she told me that while I was away in the Army, my now-deceased father raped her. She never mentioned this to anyone, but it was the reason she ended our relationship. She married a guy who cheated on her, and they divorced. While living with her second husband-to-be, she had an affair with his best friend and became pregnant.
When I visited her hometown, I met the man she had the affair with and realized how much her son resembles him. The second ex-husband raised both of her children from her first marriage, as well as the child she had while living with him. I think he deserves to know if he is the biological father of this child. I also think rapes and abuse should be brought up to the authorities. But Nancy doesn’t want to make waves. She especially doesn’t want to hurt her children’s relationship with the man who raised them.
I love this woman, and we are planning to marry in a few months. Knowing her past and not being able to help her worries me. What should I do? — Vietnam Vet
Dear Vet: Nancy sounds like she’s had a life of emotional turmoil. The fact that her son resembles another man is not proof, but the child deserves to have an accurate medical history. You may be able to convince Nancy to discuss this with her son, but you should not take any action on your own. As for the various sexual assaults, there are statutes of limitation on reporting such crimes. The best thing you could do for Nancy is encourage her to get into counseling to deal with the trauma of her past.
Dear Annie: My wife is a beautiful woman whom I dearly love. She has some facial hair, especially on her chin, which she chooses to shave. This leaves her chin stubbly. When she does not take care of it as often as she should, it becomes a little unattractive.
I am no fashion expert, but I believe that waxing would be a better option. How do I bring this up without upsetting her? — Anonymous or I’d be in Big Trouble
Dear Anonymous: There is no flattering way to tell a woman that her face reminds you of George Clooney. But she may be unaware that her stubble is visible to others and should be told. Waxing and depilatories would do a better job, and if she is unwilling to maintain that regimen, she can look into laser hair removal or electrolysis. For the holidays, present her with a gift certificate to a waxing salon or a laser clinic, and tell her she deserves to be pampered.
Dear Annie: “Recycling Myself” said she wants her body to be used for research and organ donation. She also said her mother would be upset at not having her placed in a casket for a viewing.
I have represented both the Gift of Life Michigan and Michigan Eye-Bank at Donor Heart registrations and other rallies. Please tell “Recycling” that one can now donate body parts for organ donation and medical research and still have their body be in a presentable condition for an open-casket viewing.
I hope this will help others with any uneasiness they may have with their decision. May God bless all donors for their readiness and willingness. — Michigan
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Published in The Messenger 12.21.10

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