Dear Annie: I’m 25, and my boyfriend, “Jason,” and I got pregnant despite using birth control. Jason was very happy about it, but when I was three months along, his family convinced him he is not ready to have a baby and he asked me to have an abortion. I said I wouldn’t and told him he was free to walk away if he chose. We never fought, and he said he still loves me but doesn’t want a child. Jason left, and I haven’t heard from him in over a month.
My family and friends are as surprised as I am and say I should ask him for child support. But, Annie, I already told him I wouldn’t. After all, if it were up to him, there would be no baby. On the other hand, he made a lot of promises and then just walked out. What do you think? — Mama To Be
Dear Mama: The two of you created this baby together, and even if Jason doesn’t want it, he is still a father and needs to be responsible for his child. If he prefers not to have a relationship, he should still contribute financially. We hope Jason will step up and do the right thing so you don’t have to drag him to court for child support, but don’t be afraid to demand what is in your child’s best interest.
Dear Annie: I have a question on today’s proper etiquette. I was recently invited to a birthday party. On the invitation, guests were requested to bring a dish and also contribute financially to a money pot for the birthday gal. It seemed a bit presumptuous, but I attended anyway.
Now we have been invited to a wedding, and the invitation (engraved, no less) mentions that a reception will follow, but also requests that we bring a dish.
Somehow, this does not feel proper. If the couple doesn’t have the money to throw a big celebration, shouldn’t they host what they can afford? — Need Input
Dear Need Input: Yes. It is inappropriate for bridal couples to issue invitations and expect the guests to bring their own meals or pay for the privilege of attending. It is not the friends and family who are throwing the party. Those who are paying get to determine the menu and venue, along with all the other details. If the couple can afford a fancy, elegant bash, wonderful. If not, coffee and dessert in the living room is also lovely. Guests should not be asked to supply anything but their company, although gifts (of their own choosing) are appropriate. One of these days, the “paying guests” might decide to move the reception to a bowling alley.
Dear Annie: Once again, you have printed a letter from a man complaining about his wife’s lack of sexual interest and suggested counseling.
Before rushing off into therapy, women should look into the most common physical reasons behind low libido. The first question one should ask is whether her history includes any of the following: hysterectomy, ovariectomy, C-section, tubal ligation, ovarian cyst, endometriosis, fibroids, ectopic pregnancy or any other surgical procedure or condition that involves the ovaries.
Sexual desire is chemistry, and the chemicals necessary to complete the circuit of desire come from the gonads. In men, the gonads are testicles. In women they are ovaries. Any woman who is experiencing low sexual desire should see an endocrinologist for a thorough check of her endocrine system. Proper hormonal balance could make a world of difference in her sex life. — Women’s Health Advocate
Dear Advocate: Thank you for the excellent recommendation. We have often said that a lack of libido can have physical causes, but the first step is getting the person to accept how important a fulfilling sex life is for the marriage — and along with a trip to the doctor, it sometimes requires counseling.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger on 12.17.07