Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama met with Chinese President Hu Jintao and China’s treasury officials at the White House Wednesday. It’s become routine by now. According to the terms of the bankruptcy agreement, every six months the president has to meet with the owners.
Barack Obama and Hu Jintao had a news conference Wednesday. The audio feed and translation relays had dozens of electronic glitches. It was embarrassing when halfway through the news conference both China and the U.S. had to call India for technical support.
The White House had a state dinner for China’s President Hu Jintao Wednesday. The atmosphere was cordial. There was one awkward moment when President Obama’s two daughters were introduced to the Chinese leader and he asked them where they work.
The White House hosted a business conference between American CEOs and China’s economic planners Wednesday. The visitors took careful notes. And now the Chinese can host a business conference for one-fourth of what it costs the Americans to host one.
U.S. News and World Report released a study showing that 30 percent of obese Americans think they’re normal-sized. The study also shows that obesity is up in every state but Nevada. Nutritionists cite the aerobic benefits of gambling with prostitutes.
Congressman Steve Cohen addressed the House Wednesday and likened Republican arguments against health care reform to Nazi propaganda. That’s absurd. Just because health care reform has got the same approval rating Hitler has doesn’t make it Nazi propaganda.
Sarah Palin fired back at liberals Wednesday after they spent a week blaming her for the Tucson shootings. It could have been worse for her. If Rocky and Bullwinkle were still on the air, she would have bumped Boris and Natasha as Moose Enemy No 1.
The Smithsonian caused a Senate protest Tuesday when it began selling miniature sculptures of U.S. presidents made in China. The depictions show full respect. However, Richard Nixon never drove a tank over a pro-democracy protester, even though it captures the spirit of the man.
San Fernando Valley students were locked down after school in L.A. Wednesday long after a parking lot shooting. They were forced to sit still in their seats for five hours without food. This is what it takes to train the next generation of Americans for the rigors of air travel.
Miami Beach police chased after a man running naked down Biscayne Boulevard on Sunday. They brought him down with a taser shot while he was running through traffic and shouting he’s the king of the world. It’s nice to see Brett Favre enjoying his retirement.
Jerry Jones offered to sell $200 tickets to fans willing to sit in the Cowboys stadium parking lot and watch the Super Bowl on a big screen while the game is being played inside the stadium. The closer you are to the action, the more he charges. Don’t ask how much money Bill Gates and Warren Buffett paid to be first down markers.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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