Crazy mid-life women

If you think you’re losing your mind, you must be in your late 40’s or early 50’s. Have a seat, girls. It’s therapy time.  I like to call it “newspaper therapy” so I can’t get sued because all of you know I’m not a real mental health professional. Not even close. Oh, and if you’re a man, don’t you DARE put this column down. You need this information, brother. Trust me. You need it. Regardless of your age, you need it. Plus, you don’t wanna go against the counsel of a woman in her late 40’s who tells you to read a newspaper column. I could burst out in tears at any moment now.

I wore unmatched socks the other day…not to be cute, but just because I didn’t notice that they didn’t match. I cried while watching a dog food commercial. I lost my shoes in a small hotel room. I looked for my glasses for 30 minutes but I was wearing them…not on top of my head. Oh no. I was wearing them on my face. I was actually SEEING THROUGH the glasses while I was searching frantically for the glasses. When driving through congested Nashville traffic a few days ago, I pulled my car onto the shoulder, laid my head on the steering wheel, and cried my eyes out from sheer frustration. I’ve been driving my boys to a friend’s house when I had a lapse of memory and had to concentrate to remember the location of a home I’ve been to many times.  When I recently looked at our boys’ baby pictures…yep! You guessed it. I had a good cry. They tell me I’m not crazy. I’m just 47. I’m in a hormonal “transition period.”

I’m a woman who’s in “transition” who also happens to be parenting two teenage boys who are in “transition.” My dear husband is the only one left who is thinking clearly without hormonal interference. Bless him. He should write a book, a survival guide of sorts. It could be called, “My Life Amidst the Hormonal Fog.”

I have advice for all you other gals who are facing the challenges of mid-life. Slow down. Take your time. Keep tissues nearby for emotional outbursts. Drink a lot of water. When I drink a lot of water, I tend to function a little more like a human being.  When you’re having an emotional outburst, walk around the block. Or, in my case, walk through the woods. When you feel like eating half a box of Little Debbie Swiss rolls, don’t do it. The excessive sugar mixes with the hormones to produce a near-toxic result (uh, just guessing). 

When I recently mentioned something about being at mid-life, a friend said, “Girl, what are you talking about being at mid-life? You think you’re gonna live to 94? You’re not at mid-life, Lisa. You’re heading down the other side.” I know. With friends like that, who needs enemies? No. I didn’t cry. I actually laughed. Laughter is another thing that makes this period of life tolerable. Oh, and if your teenage boys make fun of you for crying while watching a dog food commercial, just punish them with a “Little House on the Prairie” all-day marathon. Who’s crying now, boys?

Contact Lisa at lisa@lisasmartt.com

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