Argus 6.16.11

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama admitted to NBC News Monday that his family is perfectly fine if he only serves one term in office as president. He admitted that sometimes he feels like he’s had enough. If he doesn’t leave office soon, he is going to get those Tiger Woods injuries in his knees.
President Obama spoke to a half-empty gym in Miami Monday where he was heckled by gays. The low turnout doesn’t reflect on his popularity. It was probably a mistake to book Charlie Sheen as his opening act, but they booked him two months ago when he was really hot.
Dick Cheney turned in his career memoir “In My Time” to the publisher for release to bookstores in August. He pushed for the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan and encouraged the sacking of Syria and Iran. If this book isn’t published by Viking Press, it’s a missed opportunity for synergy.
Congress passed a military funding bill Tuesday banning the use of any taxpayer money in Libya. The same day Britain’s government followed suit. This means that for Moammar Khadaffi to be overthrown, France and Italy are going to have to win their first war since the Renaissance.
CNN hosted the first GOP presidential debate in New Hampshire Monday. Afterwards CNN pundits raved about Michele Bachmann, hoping to start a catfight between her and Sarah Palin. They say life imitates art, but art doesn’t get TV ratings unless it imitates the Kardashians.
President Obama urged Anthony Weiner to resign after naked photos of the congressman surfaced on Twitter. That’s not all. Bill Clinton also expressed his disappointment, telling Weiner that back in his day, he’d make them get a court order if they wanted to see a photo of it.
The House of Representatives made no move to expel Anthony Weiner Tuesday. It’s more puzzling the longer they wait. Congress could expel Weiner for Conduct that Discredits the House, but they’re afraid to do anything until the folks at Nicorette come up with No Grope Gum.
Anthony Weiner faced increasing pressure from fellow Democrats to resign Monday as he trotted off to rehab. He’s being treated for sex addiction and narcissism. That just leaves him a month of drug addiction rehab away from completing his doctorate in Los Angeles Studies.
Mexico threatened economic reprisal against the U.S. Monday over Alabama’s immigration law. They are a huge trading partner with tremendous natural resources. In addition to producing oil, beer, tequila silver and strawberries, Mexico is the No. 1 producer of Americans.
Utah’s former governor Jon Huntsman announced Tuesday he’s running for the GOP nomination for president. Like Romney, he’s a Mormon. Ever since the Book of Mormon swept the Tony Awards for Best Musical, they have been coming out of the woodwork to run for president.
Hugh Hefner’s wedding to Crystal Harris at the Playboy Mansion Saturday was called off by the bride-to-be after a bitter telephone conversation Sunday. One of two things must have happened. Either the pre-nup just arrived in the mail or she’s just learned to read.
California was ranked the least-friendly state in the nation for business Friday in a survey of all 50 states. The state’s businessmen are shackled by high business taxes and prohibitive environmental rules. The only thing that’s selling is pot and it’s not legal to make a profit on it.
Producer Aaron Spelling’s widow Candy Spelling sold their Beverly Hills mansion Monday for $75 million, although her asking price for the last two years was $150 million. No part of the country is safe from home destruction. The South has tornadoes, the East has hurricanes and California has earthquakes and trophy wives.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

Published in The Messenger 6.16.11

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