Posted: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 8:03 pm
Dear Annie: I’m soon to be an adult and am starting to make some important decisions. “Lana” has been my best friend for 12 years, but I’m beginning to think it’s over. She is really hurting me.
When we go to festivals together, Lana walks around with someone else and ignores me. When I invite her to go to the movies, she always wants to bring a date, which makes me the third wheel. Every time I really like a guy, she friends him on Facebook and gets him interested in her. We even took her on a family vacation, and she barely spoke to my parents and didn’t thank them afterward.
Times have been tough for Lana lately, and I’m there for support, but she always creates drama and pushes things to the edge. Being there for her turns me into a wreck. My parents think she isn’t worth the trouble, and I’m starting to believe they are right. When I’m with Lana, I feel miserable.
What can I do? All this is stressing me out. — One Confused Cookie
Dear Cookie: Anyone who consistently undermines you and makes you feel miserable is not a true friend — and we think you know that. You need to back away from Lana and her drama. Call her less often, and don’t rush to invite her to join you at the movies or festivals. A little distance will allow you to regain your equilibrium and seek out other friends.
Dear Annie: I have been married for a long time to a very social guy. I am not. I suffer from depression and chronic pain. I have a small home business and do most of the household chores. Most days, I am weary simply getting through the day.
The problem comes from all the activities he joins. I don’t mind that he does. I actually encourage him to do what makes him happy. The problem is, as his wife, he expects me to take part in every event.
I have suggested that I come to some, but not all. He does not like this solution and becomes angry and resentful, making me feel guilty. We have had this problem our entire marriage. His interests and mine do not coincide for the most part, nor does he enjoy my friends. It’s as if my life is supposed to revolve around him. How can I make him see that his demands aren’t fair to me and I am doing the best I can? — Unhappy with the Status Quo
Dear Unhappy: Your husband may erroneously believe that it would help your depression and pain if you were more involved, but participating in something you don’t enjoy is unlikely to alleviate your problems. Your efforts to compromise are good, and your husband should be more accepting of your limitations and preferences. You might offer to go a little more often if he will back off on the rest.
Dear Annie: The letter from “Tired of Wet Beds” hit home. She was concerned about her 14-year-old stepson wetting the bed every night. I had the same trouble with my child.
At first I thought it was night sweats because there was no urine odor. Along with needing to urinate frequently, my son was constantly thirsty. We had numerous medical tests run. My husband wanted to deny our son water after 7 p.m. and would make him feel like a baby. Meanwhile, I persisted with testing until one brilliant doctor checked for diabetes insipidus, a rare disease that causes frequent urination. The large amounts of water my thirsty child drank during the day gave him water intoxication and diluted his urine, which was why there was no odor.
After being put on the proper medication, there was no more bedwetting. That was 10 years ago, and my son no longer needs the medication and is leading a normal life. Please encourage your readers with bedwetting problems to explore this. — California
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 9.20.11