Annie 9.29.11

Dear Annie: I have been married to “George” for 11 years. In the past two, George and I have had sex only three times. Lately, when I go to kiss him, he turns away. I have asked George if there is someone else or if he has a medical issue, but he denies both. I’ve been told I am quite attractive, but he seems interested only in the financial stability I provide. I am so frustrated. The only thing keeping me here is that I am taking classes at a local college and am close to finishing. I would like to save my marriage, but can’t do it by myself. Am I wasting my time? I don’t get the impression that George even likes me, let alone loves me. — Need an Outsider’s Insight Dear Need: If George thinks he has a medical problem, he should be willing to see a doctor — and you should encourage him to do so. If he were having an affair or if he were gay, however, he might not tell you. Get some counseling and figure out whether it is worth staying in this loveless marriage. Dear Annie: My sister is getting married next spring. My husband and I are excited for her, but we live in the Midwest, and they are getting married in Hawaii. My husband and I don’t make much money. We’ve been saving for three years to go to Hawaii on our anniversary in January. We would prefer to go on our own vacation rather than deplete our savings in order to attend my sister’s wedding. To be fair, it didn’t cost my sister a dime to attend my wedding, and even she has admitted that she was a lousy maid of honor — rude and demanding. Now my sister is furious that we are not planning to attend. She has demanded that I put my student loans into forbearance, get a second job, go without my husband, or that we use our vacation funds. I feel that if she wants to have a destination wedding, great, but she can’t expect people to spend that kind of money, and she has no right to dictate how others choose to spend their money. She has been quite nasty to me and is badmouthing us to our friends and family. Am I wrong not to spend our money for her wedding? — Frustrated with Finances Dear Frustrated: We will admit that your sister sounds like a selfish spoiled brat, but we also believe one should make every effort to attend major family events. You already have the money saved up to go to Hawaii. Why not combine your vacation with her wedding? After the rest of the guests go home (or before they arrive), you and your husband can enjoy the trip you planned, even if it is not on the exact day you wanted. This is what family members do when they love each other (although your sister certainly doesn’t make it easy). Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Suffering Soon-to-Be Ex,” whose wife left him after he made the incredible blunder of saying he wished he’d found his wife’s sister first. A few years ago, my co-worker made a huge mistake during a business conference call. The very next day, he wrote on the white board in his office, “Think fast. Talk slow.” I thought you might want to pass this sage advice along to your readers. We were able to save the client. I hope “Soon” is as fortunate. — Slow Talker Dear Slow: We hope so, too. Thanks for the excellent words to live by. ——— Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. Published in The Messenger 9.29.11

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