Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Arnold Schwarzenegger opened a museum in Austria which chronicles his rise from a muscle builder to a Hollywood action hero to governor of California. For him it was inevitable to end up in politics. He is the Father of Our Country in three different countries.
Georgia gun rights activists went into U.S. court Friday to claim a Second Amendment right to carry their guns into church. Someone should warn the clergy. Last week a Baptist preacher gave his usual sermon about fire and brimstone and he never made it to brimstone.
Occupy Wall Street protesters in Los Angeles sat down in the Bank of America lobby Friday and refused to leave. The cops dispersed them. When Bank of America charged the demonstrators five dollars each to leave the lobby, they left angrier than they arrived
Friends of the Earth protested outside Congress Friday trying to block a proposed oil pipeline that begins in Canada and crosses into the U.S. They made the mistake of calling it a pipeline. They should have called it a tunnel and the liberals would all be defending it.
The Ides of March stars George Clooney about a Democratic presidential candidate. It is one more try from Hollywood. The writers are determined to prove that it’s possible to have a liberal and moral successful president who doesn’t smoke or come from Chicago.
President Obama paid tribute to Steve Jobs Thursday, prompting both parties to join in the eulogies. Democrats said there’ll never be another one like him. Republicans said that is just more evidence that Jobs are not being created under the Obama Administration.
President Obama’s disapproval rating hit an all-time high of fifty-five percent Friday in a poll. It’s become a nightmare. This is never going to be over until Roger Maris gets the home-run title back and Bill Clinton gets back the title of our first black president.
GOP candidate Herman Cain topped the presidential polls, leading Mitt Romney by twenty points in one poll. This guy is causing Democratic strategists real headaches lately. Democrats can’t call the Tea Party racist because it’s supporting Herman Cain and they can’t call it communist because that would only increase its support among Democrats.
Florida state senator Rich Workman offered a bill Friday to repeal the state ban on dwarf tossing. It’s an old Southern sport. It’s been covered up for years that young George Washington actually pocketed the silver dollar and threw Dopey across the Potomac River.
The Justice Department warned California medical marijuana stores to shut down or face criminal charges Friday even if they’re legal under California state law. The White House has no choice. The statistics claiming that eighty percent of the people living in the healthiest climate in the world are ill make the health care reform law look unaffordable.
Rogue Valley Airport in Oregon announced it will sell ad space on the control tower Friday. A company offered the airport three hundred thousand dollars to put an ad on the control tower. It sounds like a great way to raise money as long as it is not a Target ad.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 10.11.11

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