Annie 11.16.11

Dear Annie: My girlfriend, “Sophie,” and I broke up three months ago after a five-year relationship because of my inability to commit. While we were together, I was brutally honest about how I felt, even though I hated how unhappy she was listening to me.
Sophie and I have taken multiple short breaks in the past. I saw her last month and apologized. I told her I had made the mistake of my life by letting her go. Apparently, I needed substantial time to realize what was important to me. Unfortunately, Sophie told me she no longer sees a future for us and asked me to stop calling. She said she’d contact me when she was ready to be friends.
I want to give her the time she has asked for, but I’m afraid if I wait too long, I will lose her forever. I now realize I desperately want to spend the rest of my life with her. But I have inflicted so much damage. If I ignore Sophie’s request to give her time, it might only make matters worse. I would do anything to get her back. Should I go after her or wait for her to come to me? — M in Hawaii
Dear M: Are you going to propose? If so, go after her. If not, leave her alone. Your feelings are no longer trustworthy to Sophie. Unless you are ready for a lifetime commitment, ring in hand, do the girl a favor and let her find someone she knows won’t walk out when he feels overwhelmed. She deserves certainty and stability.
Dear Annie: Recently, two of my cousins were in town. They come here frequently to visit their husbands’ families. I’m the only cousin who still lives in our hometown, but they have never once called to say hello or plan a get-together.
All I want is a “Hi, how are you?” It only takes a few minutes to make a telephone call, and if I’m not at home, my answering machine will get the message. I am family, too, and whenever I am in their area on business or vacation, I always make the time to visit. I also call frequently.
Is it too much to ask that they do the same? Would plans for a family reunion be out of the question? — In Need of Family Contact
Dear Contact: Of course your cousins should call, but they may not realize how much you would appreciate it, even if they can’t arrange to see you. So tell them. Say you’d love it if they picked up the phone when they are in your area, just to say hello. And while you’re at it, ask if they’d be interested in a family reunion. We think they will.
Dear Annie: I sympathize with “Maine Husband,” who is the caregiver for his wife with multiple sclerosis. I’m sure his wife is extremely grateful to have him in her life. My husband has had to take over more and more of the household chores because of my disabilities, and I am so honored to have him. He makes my life a joy.
When we are invited out and I don’t feel well enough to go, I make sure I have everything I’ll need for the few hours my husband will be gone. Then he can go and relax. I can always call him if I have a problem, but he feels better for getting out of the house, and I feel better knowing I am not taking up all of his time.
“Maine” has to speak up for himself. Maybe if he asked the relatives to watch his wife for a few hours, they would understand his position. If they sat in a wheelchair all day, they might see how hard it is to rely on someone else to do all the simple things they take for granted.
There is a special place in heaven for people like my husband. — C.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Published in The Messenger 11.16.11

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