Posted: Friday, November 18, 2011 8:01 pm
Dear Annie: When is a kiss just a kiss? The husband of my wife’s best friend gave her a wee bit of a special kiss on the lips after another summer of overlapping vacation time at a summer cottage. I could be way off the mark, but it seemed like more than a brief goodbye kiss. I emailed him about it, and he replied that there has never been anything between them. They are just good friends. Regardless, my gut says the damage has been done.
This guy is on his second marriage. The night before “the kiss,” the four of us had a wide-ranging discussion. I am fairly traditional in my views and values. His ending comment was about how in retirement he’d like to donate sperm. He knows I had a vasectomy years ago. Call me insecure, but I sensed something more on his mind.
In previous years, I have left these vacations early while my wife stayed on. Now I feel taken advantage of. I want my wife to keep her close friendship with his wife, but I want both of us to disassociate from her husband. Am I wrong? — No-Win Situation in Wisconsin
Dear No Win: You are jumping to conclusions because you don’t trust this man. But do you trust your wife? A light peck on the lips between good friends is tolerable, but a full-blown smack on the lips is inappropriate. A discussion about becoming a sperm donor may be in poor taste, but it doesn’t necessarily mean anything else. Regardless of his behavior, it is your wife’s that matters. Talk to her about your concerns. You don’t need to cut the husband off completely, but it’s OK to limit contact if he makes you uncomfortable. However, if your wife still wants to vacation with her friend and her husband, you should come along and stay the entire time.
Dear Annie: In April of 1975, I reluctantly gave my only child, a son, up for adoption. I was 20 years old and not in a position to raise him properly. I have deeply regretted that decision ever since and have been trying to find my son since he turned 21.
I contacted the attorney who handled the private adoption and received a return letter stating that he forwarded my request to the adoptive parents, but they preferred the matter to remain closed. Unfortunately, the attorney has since passed away, and I have no idea how to pursue this any further. If my son is still alive, he would be 36 years old. I believe he has the right to know his birth family medical history at the very least.
I realize there are some adopted children who have no desire to meet their biological family, and although I pray that is not true in this case, I would understand. But I would think he would want his medical history. Must I sit back for another 10 years and hope for the best, or is there something else I can do? — Sad Birth Mom in Omaha, Neb.
Dear Sad: You can hire a private detective who specializes in these cases, or you can leave your information on the many available search and adoption registries. The Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services may be helpful. Also try the International Soundex Reunion Registry (isrr.org) at 1-888-886-ISRR. Good luck.
Dear Annie: You’ve printed several responses to “Suffering Soon-To-Be Ex,” who stupidly joked that he’d have grabbed his sister-in-law, “Zoe,” if she’d been available.
I wonder why men speak first and think later? When I was a newlywed, my husband said, “You’re way down on my list of priorities,” and that proved to be true for 45 years of marriage. I never forgot that statement. Why I stayed with him for 45 years is beyond me. — Men!
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.
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Published in The Messenger 11.18.11