Dear Annie: A year ago, I had an affair that lasted nearly 12 months. I confessed the whole thing to my husband, answered all his questions and endured the subsequent hurt, anger and doubt. I have done everything I can to prove that I am trustworthy, and we are more connected to each other now than we have ever been.
I also wrote a letter of apology to the wife of the man with whom I had the affair. She didn’t respond and I didn’t expect her to, but it made me feel better to come clean. Several months after the affair ended, her husband called my cell phone, but I didn’t pick up. I told my husband about the call and made sure his wife was also informed. I’d hoped to prove I was not having any contact with him, and to make it clear to him that I would not tolerate any more phone calls.
Here is my problem: I’ve been on a competitive sports team for nearly 10 years. Before the affair, the wife was on my team. When the affair ended, I voluntarily joined a different league. But I miss my old friends and would like to rejoin the old team. It is likely the wife will not appreciate this. Although I have no idea how she will react, I feel ready to face it.
In view of the hurt and violation I have caused this woman and the likelihood that I may reopen old wounds by rejoining the team, am I obliged to stay away forever? Do I have a right to go back? — Want to Play
Dear Want to Play: You may be ready to “face it,” but we highly doubt the wife feels the same. We commend you for ending the affair and being totally aboveboard. However, there are still consequences, and one of them is when you encounter the wronged spouse, YOU are the one who must retreat. This league is hers now. Unless she decides to quit, please stay where you are. Otherwise, it will look as if you are throwing the affair in her face and we don’t believe that is the impression you wish to give.
Dear Annie: I am a freshman in high school and I like wearing black and neon colors. But people stereotype me because of that and think I’m a deadbeat.
I’m in honors classes and am very involved in school. I usually don’t care what people say about me, but someone started a rumor that I use marijuana. My religion is against all drugs and I find such rumors extremely offensive. I also am concerned that I may get into legal trouble if someone believes it. How can I get people to stop starting rumors about me without changing how I appear? — No Druggie
Dear No Druggie: You aren’t going to be arrested on the flimsy basis of innuendo. It’s a shame people judge you on the basis of your appearance, but that is always going to be a fact of life and you’d best learn to deal with it. This kind of rumor can be quashed by holding your head up and showing others who you truly are. Also, ask your friends to help spread the word that the pot-smoking is a lie. If it gets out of hand, discuss it with your parents and the principal.
Dear Annie: This is in response to “Missing My Little Brother,” who kept receiving mail addressed to her late sibling. The same thing happened to me when my son died.
I wrote to the three main credit bureaus asking that his credit report be marked “Deceased.” I included his social security number and a copy of the death certificate. After that, I stopped receiving mail addressed to him. — Roanoke, Va.
Dear Roanoke: A great suggestion. Readers can contact Equifax (equifax.com) at P.O. Box 740241, Atlanta, GA 30374; TransUnion (transunion.com) at P.O. Box 505, Woodlyn, PA 19094; and Experian (experian.com) at 901 West Bond, Lincoln, NE 68521, Attn: Consumer Services Department.
———
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 1.30.08