Posted: Tuesday, July 10, 2012 8:00 pm
Dear Annie: My husband, “Kevin,” and I have been together for nine years. Every summer, Kevin used to go to the beach for a week’s vacation with a family he was close to. The entire group numbered about 15 people. Three years ago, Kevin told me he wanted to start taking vacations with them again. I was not invited. Kevin said there wasn’t enough room, and he’d have to sleep on the floor, which wouldn’t work for his chronic back problems.
This year, I insisted on being included, so he grudgingly asked if I could come, but it is a sore spot now. I have spoken to Kevin multiple times about my feelings of abandonment stemming from his preference to exclude me from these vacations, and I never get a direct answer as to why he doesn’t want me to come. All he says is that he’s afraid I’ll somehow insult them. Annie, I had nothing against these people until my husband started ditching me to be with them.
Worse, the 34-year-old daughter has come to our house twice and made herself right at home, taking food from the fridge and glasses from the cabinet. She’s had drug problems and recently was arrested for breaking and entering. This makes me uneasy, particularly since Kevin takes a lot of prescription medications.
I get angry whenever I hear one of them talking about the next beach trip, and I start criticizing them to Kevin because I can’t seem to get through to him how this makes me feel. What can I do? — Sad, Hurt and Confused
Dear Sad: The fact that your husband wants to take his summer vacation without his wife and in the company of a drug abuser is suspicious and worrisome. Frankly, we think this environment is unhealthy for Kevin, and that’s why he doesn’t want you around. Stop criticizing this family and work on Kevin. He’s not being honest with you.
Dear Annie: My 33-year-old daughter is expecting my first grandchild soon. Her friends are giving her a baby shower in two weeks.
My son, who lives near his sister, has a “surprise” new wife who has not been invited. My daughter thinks it would be too stressful to meet her new sister-in-law for the first time at her shower. I think all the female members of the family should be invited, even new ones.
I will be flying in to attend the shower and want to visit my son and his new bride. This means he will wonder why I’m in town. I don’t want his new wife to feel slighted that she wasn’t invited to the shower. I realize I can’t tell my 33-year-old daughter what to do. I just don’t know whether to tell my son that we are coming. — Don’t Like Secrets
Dear Secrets: It is not a lie to tell your son that you are in town to meet his new wife, because that is part of your trip. However, if your daughter truly wanted to include her new sister-in-law at the shower, she could easily make her acquaintance within the next two weeks. She is being unkind, and this could lead to future problems. Please do your best to encourage her to invite her brother’s new wife.
Dear Annie: This is in reply to “Trish,” who sent her guidelines for dating. She said he or she must be employed, own his or her own car, and cannot live with his or her mother or sleep on his or her best friend’s couch.
When I met my husband, he had no job, didn’t own a car and was sleeping on his best friend’s couch. Within a year, he joined the Marines and we were married. After serving in Vietnam, he came home and together we raised two sons.
We have had the most wonderful 47 years. He’s the best husband and father I could imagine: loving, patient and caring. I’m so grateful that I was unaware of Trish’s guidelines and followed my heart — Truly Blessed
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to email@example.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 7.10.12