Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama played a secret round of golf with Tiger Woods in Palm Beach with no press allowed at the club. He picked up some helpful tips. Tiger Woods shared his expertise with the president and now all the text messages from Benghazi have been erased.
Presidents Day was described by historians Monday as a day to think like Roosevelt, pray like Washington and act like Lincoln. Unfortunately it’s a day off. That’s when most Americans prefer to drink like Grant, behave like Clinton and eat like William Howard Taft.
The Vatican called a conclave of the College of Cardinals to elect a new pope in Rome in March. It’s exciting. Given the amount of alcohol consumed at Knights of Columbus meetings, there is widespread hope that the new pontiff’s name will be Pope Jack the Fifth.
Pope Benedict gave an open prayer Sunday for the College of Cardinals who meet in conclave at the Vatican in Rome in two weeks and elect a new pope. They’ve sorted out the voter ID problem. For any Cardinal who’s too old to drive, an arrest photo is acceptable.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 2.20.13

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