Dear Annie: My daughter, “Meg,” moved to Florida to attend college and graduate school. She is now engaged to a nice young man and will marry in June.
My daughter has always been very flat chested, like me. On my last visit, however, I noticed there was an increase in her bust size that was unmistakably the real deal. I asked her when she had undergone breast augmentation. She turned to me with a shocked look and gasped, “Who told you?” I told her it was obvious. She confided that she’d had it done a month before. Her boyfriend took care of her post-op.
I confess I was hurt my daughter chose not to inform me when she had major surgery, but there was no point getting angry since she wasn’t going to “undo” it. She doesn’t want me to tell her father because she thinks he will be upset. He will. He’d say it was a stupid choice and, as a result, would have not felt obligated to pay for her upcoming wedding. He’d tell her if she could find the money to pay for fake breasts, she could certainly find the money to get married.
I decided to keep quiet and let Meg tell him, but she hasn’t yet, and meanwhile, he’s given her an enormous amount of money for the wedding. Yesterday, she sent me pictures of her in the wedding gown. The dress is strapless and absolutely everything is on display. I am mortified at the thought of everyone discussing her new breasts during the ceremony — and you can bet they will — and I shudder to think of my husband’s reaction.
I am going to visit Meg once more before the wedding. Should I share my concerns and suggest she talk to her father? Or should I keep my mouth shut and let the chips fall where they may? — Worried Mother-of-the-Bride
Dear Worried: Yes, talk to Meg. She needs to tell Dad before he balks at walking Suddenly Buxom Daughter down the aisle. You can help ameliorate his anger by repeating that she isn’t going to “undo” it, and add that it obviously makes Meg feel better about herself (even if you both disagree). If he asks her to pay back the money for the wedding, let them work out an arrangement to do so.
Dear Annie: My sister and I own the house we live in. Last year, we borrowed money, together, for renovations and repairs. The contractors were paid by personal check out of my sister’s bank account where the money was held.
I kept rough track with invoice data on the account’s balance. Recently, when I approached my sister with a plan for spending the remaining money, she informed me that nearly $30,000 had vanished, unaccounted for. Repairs stopped.
I absolutely don’t believe the money simply disappeared. How can I not trust my only sibling? What should I do? — Confused in California
Dear Confused: How estranged are you willing to be? If the money truly disappeared, your sister should not object to an investigation. Otherwise, you can talk to a lawyer about suing your sister to recover it. Decide which you value more — the money or your sister — because we don’t think you’re going to have both. Sorry.
Dear Annie: I cringed after reading your response to the newspaper carrier who asked about sending thank-you notes for tips.
I deliver papers and often receive tips and small gifts at Christmas, and send thank-you notes to every customer. These “tips” are gifts for service well done and should be acknowledged appropriately. Otherwise, the giver may not know that you even received their gift. — Grateful in Ohio
Dear Ohio: We aren’t against sending a thank-you note. (Heaven forbid.) But in general, such tips are already a “thank you” from the client, and whenever possible, an in-person acknowledgement at the time is sufficient. However, we’re glad to know so many newspaper and letter carriers are taking the time to do it right.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 4.29.08