Posted: Monday, October 27, 2008 9:13 pm
Dear Annie: “Daniel,” the guy I’ve been seeing for two years, is a married man. I didn’t know it until we’d been seeing each other for eight months. We’ve been living together ever since. I love him with all my heart, but I’m getting sick and tired of being the “other woman.”
Daniel is still supporting his wife, a meth addict, because he’s worried she will end up on the street. Other than her phone calls and harassment, we are basically happy, but I want more from him. I want to be his wife. I want to have a future with him, but he’s not moving toward divorce. He says it’s because his wife has property that belongs to him.
Daniel tells me he’d be lost without me, but I can’t deal with much more of this. Any advice? — In Love and Hurting
Dear In Love: Daniel should not leave things in limbo. He needs to talk to a lawyer about a legal separation so he can continue to provide for his wife while working out the details of a divorce. If he is unwilling to proceed, it means he either values this disputed property more than his relationship with you, or he has no intention of changing his marital status, in which case, please get out of this mess while you can.
Dear Annie: My friend “Tina” recently divorced her husband of 42 years. He drinks and gambles to excess, cheated on her, refused counseling and more. She was awarded alimony totaling a third of his salary, and because he makes a substantial amount of money, Tina lives fairly well.
Tina is now involved with “John,” a wonderful man who is an old friend and also divorced. They live together in Tina’s home. John gives her money for rent and they split all other expenses. The problem is, Tina’s ex-husband has told their two grown, married sons that their mom has taken all his money and he is struggling to live, and that John is taking advantage of her in order to get her money. They believe him. She can prove that their father is lying but doesn’t feel she should have to.
Tina’s oldest son invited her over last week, but when she asked to bring John, he said no. Tina won’t go unless John can go with her. Her son and his wife are expecting their first child, and I hate to see them cut Tina out of their lives. Do her children have the right to judge whom she is seeing? What is she to do? — Best Friend
Dear Friend: Try not to get in the middle of how Tina chooses to deal with her grown children. Our only advice is that she not make John an issue. It would be nice if the children were more receptive, but that will take time and she shouldn’t push too hard or they will resent it. Tina ought to see her sons without John so she can maintain a relationship with them until they hopefully learn to accept him.
Dear Annie: I am writing in response to “Midwest Mess,” whose mother is rude and disrespectful to her husband and her. I sympathize. My mother was overbearing, dominating, controlling and emotionally abusive. If you did not do things her way, she could be very cruel. She criticized everything I did, often in front of others. She once told me I was her biggest mistake.
Twenty-four years ago, I met a wonderful man and my mother did everything she could to break us up. For several years after our marriage, Mom openly disliked him. But after our children were born, we saw more of her, and eventually she came to see my husband as the loving, caring person he is. My advice to “Midwest” is to hang in there. You never know when a miracle might occur. — Been There, Happier Now
Dear Been: We’re glad patience paid off for you. Your husband sounds like a gem.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 10.27.08