Early Christmas shopping
Posted: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 8:01 pm
Some of you will soon be fretting about Christmas shopping. Worry not. I’ve done your shopping for you. I recently made some purchases from the “As Seen on TV” aisle. So sit back. Relax. It’ll all be just fine.
Several “hot” items are being promoted this year. Let me start with the clear favorite. The Snuggie. If you’ve been living under a rock and you don’t know what a Snuggie is, allow me to enlighten you. The Snuggie is a cheap blanket-like version of a hospital gown or straight jacket. I’m serious. It was invented by someone who has very little intelligence or needs more sleep. He’s now a multi-millionaire. I don’t recommend you actually buy the Snuggie. However, the fact that someone has become a millionaire from inventing a scratchy hospital gown should give you a lot of hope for your own future success. You know that electric chocolate milk maker you were tinkering with in the garage? Yeah. You should really pursue that. Just think of the Snuggie. Dream on, friend. Dream on.
For $19.99 you can purchase an innovative egg cooker that can boil your eggs to absolute perfection. It only has 27 plastic parts to wash after the boiling process. But the good news? All the plastic parts can easily fit in the top rack of your dishwasher. The egg cooker is the size of your dining room table but you’ll have no problem with storage. You’ve got lots of extra room in your kitchen cabinets, right? Just go ahead and throw out that Ronco hot dog cooker. Hot dog cookers are SO old school.
The price of $9.99 will buy pasta perfection for you or a family member. Yep! The bright blue plastic pasta cooker will cook perfect spaghetti or lasagna noodles in your microwave. And it even doubles as a serving dish. Microwave to table. SO if you or a family member has been losing sleep at night because you don’t have the intelligence or physical coordination to put water in a pan and boil eggs or pasta, this is your lucky day. Problem solved.
Another hot Christmas buy this year is the Pedi-Egg. This is an egg-shaped plastic item which scrapes the dead skin off the heal of one’s foot and collects the dead skin in the bottom of the plastic egg. Now I’ve never claimed to be a psychologist or a family counselor, but I’m not sure you want to give Aunt Gloria a gift that says, “Gosh, your feet are dry and scaly and it was hard to enjoy the seafood at that little place in Gulf Shores because staring at your feet in those gold sandals pretty much took away my appetite.” No. Don’t do it. Go ahead and give Aunt Gloria the light blue house shoes. Play it safe, friend. Play it safe.
Advertisements are already beginning for holiday shopping. Advertisers want us to believe that our family members have SO many “problems” that need to be solved. Problems like dry feet or dry pasta or an inability to find a blanket in the hall closet. Be smarter than that. Realize that some of the folks on your list this year are facing REAL problems. Depression. Disappointment. Job loss. Poor health. Consider the gift of your time. Give the gift of a lunch out or a day trip. Write a letter of thanks. People can live with dry pasta or dry feet. This year, maybe it’s the soul that needs refreshing.
For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her Web site lisasmartt.com.
Published in The Messenger 11.11.09