Argus Hamilton
Posted: Thursday, October 21, 2010 8:01 pm

HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Brett Favre met with the chief of NFL security Tuesday to answer any questions about his conduct. He deserves respect for all the years he’s been in the league. During Brett Favre’s first season in the NFL he was sending women lewd telegraph messages.
The NFL announced Monday it will crack down on vicious hits to the heads of NFL players. The league wasted no time punishing the most obvious offenders. The next morning Junior Seau’s windshield was fined ten thousand dollars and suspended for life.
Nevada GOP Senate candidate Sharron Angle told a classroom of Hispanic kids Monday that some of them looked Asian to her. It’s an understandable mistake. She wasn’t looking at the schoolchildren’s faces when she said that, she was looking at their math scores.
President Obama defended health care reform in his Ohio speech Sunday. He’s adjusting to conditions. His big applause line used to be that health care should be universal in a country as rich as America, and then about a year ago it started getting big laughs.
Somali pirate Abduwali Muse is on trial in New York after being captured at sea by the U.S. Navy last year. He’ll be tough to convict. His jury consultant will have no trouble finding twelve people who have downloaded songs and movies illegally.
Mexico began construction Monday on a fence along its border with Guatemala to keep out illegal aliens who sneak into Mexico. It’s an outrage. Arizona Governor Jan Brewer just filed a lawsuit against the Mexican government for copyright violation.
Tiger Woods was falsely identified by prostitute Devon James as the man in a pornographic video with her on Tuesday. What a relief. This is not what his rehab counselors had in mind when they advised Tiger to seek professional help in dealing with his problem.
New York’s governor debate Monday forced Democrats and Republicans to include five minor party candidates, featuring a  madam and at least two socialists. However, serious New Yorkers face only two choices. Do they move to Texas or Florida?
Alaskan GOP Senate candidate Joe Miller suggested Monday that the U.S. copy East Germany in building a wall with Mexico to keep out illegal aliens. Technology has a better solution. All we need is an electronic message board that flashes the unemployment rate on our side of the fence and we can save everybody a needless errand.
The Discovery Channel welcomed President Obama to a taping of Mythbusters Monday. The show tests popular science myths to see if they’re true. President Obama wants to know whether the unemployment rate is still Bush’s fault or if corporations are refusing to hire because he’s black.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 10.21.10