Argus Hamilton 6.7.11
Posted: Tuesday, June 7, 2011 8:01 pm
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Sarah Palin refused to give the media her bus tour travel itinerary Friday, forcing CBS and NBC and ABC reporters to follow her around like groupies. She totally dominated the news coverage. In response, Mitt Romney’s web site just replaced all his head shots with crotch shots.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian died Thursday after a career dedicated to assisted suicide. His own life was extended by real caregivers. Last year when Jack Kevorkian collapsed in his living room, paramedics saved his life by offering to buy his house for thirty percent more than he paid for it.
U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner conceded Friday the lewd photos tweeted to his followers may be of himself but he insisted he got hacked. His last name doesn’t help here. When charges first surfaced that Weiner had been hacked, Lorena Bobbitt was the first suspect on everybody’s list.
John Edwards was indicted by federal prosecutors Friday for using presidential campaign donations to hide his mistress and their love child. The story got huge play in the tabloid press. John Edwards always said we live in two Americas, and he keeps a family in each of them.
Rush Limbaugh was reported Friday to be interested in buying the Minnesota Vikings and moving the team to L.A. The players are going to miss the NFL lockout. Starting in training camp this July, the team will do two-a-day drills in states’ rights, free trade and supply-side economics.
The House of Representatives rebuked President Obama in a resolution passed Friday for not consulting Congress on Libya. It’s obvious what’s going on. The United States is going to keep invading countries in the Middle East til we finally find one where the oil pays for the war.
GOP candidate Newt Gingrich decided to go on vacation for a week with his wife and skip an appearance at a GOP conference of evangelical Christians. It’s surprising that he decided not to go there. A Republican convention is a great place for a candidate to meet his fourth wife.
Michelle Obama’s office announced Friday she will visit South Africa this week and bring along her mother as well as her two daughters. She can’t wait to go. Last week she caught the president in bed with his golf clubs and she’s decided to give them some quality time alone.
The N.Y. Supreme Court ruled to allow a Times Square street vendor to sell condoms with the president’s image on the packet. Everyone’s buying them. Half the country wants to be protected by President Obama while the other half wants to be protected from President Obama.
The White House reported worsening statistics on employment, manufacturing and home sales Friday. No one knows how much deeper the recession will get. The latest poll shows that most Americans would still vote to reelect President Obama, if only out of morbid curiosity.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 6.7.11