Argus Hamilton 9.9.11
Posted: Friday, September 9, 2011 7:01 pm
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Washington Nationals pitcher Stephen Strasburg came back a year after Tommy John surgery to blank the Dodgers Tuesday. The kid was unhittable. President Obama just revealed he’s having all the tendons in his elbow replaced with tissue from Ronald Reagan.
The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library hosted the GOP debate Wednesday in Simi Valley. The place is full of history. The candidates posed for pictures next to a piece of the Berlin Wall and Michele Bachmann vowed that we will get whoever did this.
President Obama’s speechwriter Jon Lovett resigned to pursue what he called a more fulfilling life in Los Angeles writing comedy. He helped write the stimulus bill, the health care law and the president’s jobs plan. His work as a comedy writer in Washington is done.
Republicans refused to give a TV response to the president’s jobs speech to Congress Thursday. They weren’t going to fall for that one. If there’s one thing Republicans have learned in a hundred and fifty years it’s that nobody gets re-elected by delaying the kickoff.
Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops said Tuesday the annual OU-Texas game every October in Dallas might end. That’s not the view of either OU fans or Texas fans. Bob Stoops is from Ohio and isn’t used to driving through brushfires to get to the only game that matters.
Eddie Murphy agreed to host the Academy Awards ceremony in March at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood. He needs the publicity. Eddie is a superb stand-up comedian but his last three movies have been such major bombs that he is now considered a god in Pakistan.
Robert Redford blasted President Obama Tuesday for allowing oil drilling off Alaska last week. The rift is real. Robert Redford asked whether or not President Obama is really green, which would be easy to verify if he’d just show everybody his earth certificate.
MRC TV released a video game Tuesday which allows players to slaughter Tea Party Zombies depicted as Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Rick Santorum and all the Fox News anchors. Even Democrats find it disturbing. Zombies are people who’ll never go away.
President Obama got his lowest-ever approval numbers on Tuesday. They are out of ideas. Last night, an aide urged President Obama to forget talking to the people and talk to God, but the president said she was asleep upstairs and he didn’t dare wake her up.
Mitt Romney spoke in Las Vegas Tuesday and unveiled his fifty-nine-point program for creating jobs. This is a mistake. By the time he finishes explaining it, the debate moderators will be ringing the bell so hard that people will think the building’s on fire and head for the exits.
Mitt Romney gave a speech on job creation in Nevada Tuesday. He proposed Reagan Economic Zones in areas that need help. It would allow economically disadvantaged areas like Detroit and the south side of Chicago to sell missiles to Iran tax-free.
The Weather Channel showed wildfires burning Texas and Oklahoma and Southern California on Tuesday. The fires were started by lightning strikes and plane crashes and fireworks. It looks like the jobless rate finally hit the number that won us a free game.
Massachusetts U.S. Senator Scott Brown told a radio interviewer Tuesday President Obama’s Uncle Omar should be deported home to Kenya as a threat to public safety. He works in a liquor store and was just arrested for drunk driving. Under Massachusetts law, liquor stores are not allowed to hire product demonstrators until closer to Christmas.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.
Published in The Messenger 9.9.11