Posted: Thursday, October 18, 2012 8:00 pm
Dear Annie: Due to many complicated family issues, I’ve been estranged from my adult daughter for the past 10 years. However, she has a college-aged daughter with whom I’ve managed to maintain a decent and, I thought, loving relationship.
Last month, I was on “Chelsea’s” Facebook page. I’ve been proud of her success in college, her happiness with friends and the experience of living away from her mother. However, her friends posted a couple of remarks on her Facebook page that bothered me. I emailed her that these issues may not be any of my business, but I was concerned for her personal safety, etc. She quickly replied that this was indeed none of my business, and she made excuses for the Facebook comments. I expressed how disappointed I was with her attitude since I was only worried about her.
We haven’t spoken since then, and frankly, I cannot excuse her bad behavior toward me. But Chelsea doesn’t have a great many family members, and I would like to mend this rift. My own friends have pointed out that “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Any suggestions? — Concerned Grandpa
Dear Grandpa: Chelsea is young and living independently for the first time. She doesn’t want her grandfather (or anyone else) to tell her how to live her life. You were undoubtedly right to be concerned about her safety, but it came across as criticism, and she was not receptive.
If you want to fix this, you will have to make the first move. Send her an email or post something on her Facebook page that is positive and complimentary. Say nothing about the previous disagreement, and hope she is equally willing to let it go. Then start fresh. We hope someday Chelsea will be mature enough to appreciate your advice. But right now, please tread lightly.
Dear Annie: I’ve read letters from women who complain because their men are spending time and money secretly watching porn. I suspect most men are like me.
I am 64 years old. I was married for 24 years. Except for our sex life, I was truly happy right up until the day she said she had a boyfriend and wanted a divorce. I always wanted more physical contact than she did, but she viewed that as “my” problem. When she said “no,” she meant it, and she said it often. Meanwhile, she decided I was “oversexed.” I found that porn allowed me, at least in fantasy, to get some of the release I needed.
We divorced 11 years ago. I am now the luckiest man on Earth because I found a genuine partner. Not only is this 60-year-old woman mature, successful, loving, liberated and modern, but she still enjoys sex. We kiss and hug. We enjoy touching that doesn’t always lead to sex, and when we do have sex, we want to please each other. I haven’t thought about watching porn since we met.
Women should ask themselves whether they are contributing to the behavior they abhor, and what they could bring to the relationship to make it better. — Problem Solved
Dear Solved: In most troubled relationships, both parties contribute to the problem to varying degrees. The important thing is for each person to address their own weak spots and then work to make the relationship better.
Dear Annie: This is in response to “S.,” who is uncomfortable telling the doctor’s receptionist what the medical problem is.
My husband had severe chest pains and called to make an appointment. He thought it was indigestion. When he explained the problem to the receptionist, she told him to hold on while she notified the doctor, who told him to get to the emergency room immediately. As it turned out, he’d had a heart attack and needed a quadruple bypass. Had she just scheduled an appointment, things could have turned out much worse. — Grateful
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to email@example.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Published in The Messenger 10.18.12