Romance vs. pornography
By Lisa Smartt
Posted: Wednesday, January 16, 2013 8:00 pm
There’s some confusion in America right now, especially among young women. I’m not naïve enough to believe a lowly newspaper columnist can alleviate that confusion. But I’m certainly willing to try.
Romance is not pornography and vice versa. In case the current books or movies have affected your sensibility in this area, allow me to explain. A man who attacks you on the first date is not a romantic. And no, you shouldn’t go out with him again. A man who wants what he wants and won’t take “no” for an answer is not a romantic. At all.
I didn’t think I had to explain this to women. But evidently I do. Or someone does. I’m disturbed that popular books and movies portray men acting like animals and women totally giving up on romance. But if our culture does give up on romance, it won’t just devastate individuals. It will devastate our culture.
Romance is an important slow-moving process by which desire grows. Oh, the desire may be there from the beginning of a relationship. Absolutely. Romance is not the deadening of that sexual desire or the thwarting of natural attraction. No. Romance is the process by which all that desire begins an important journey. A journey that combines natural desire with character, faithfulness and trust.
See, here’s the deal. If you want to experience all the joys of physical intimacy for years and years (and I highly recommend that), it’s best to start that process slowly and in the right order. And yes, there’s an order. A very distinct order.
It’s been said that the greatest compliment a man can give a woman is to ask the simple question, “Will you marry me?” Sadly, that question is asked less and less in our current culture. It’s not difficult to figure out why. Couples have chosen physical intimacy before commitment. No strings attached. That sounds great, if only it worked. Statistics are clear. It usually doesn’t.
Real romance doesn’t begin with sex. Romance begins with conversation. Those conversations deepen your appreciation of the other person. All of that conversation and closeness leads to even further desire and the process continues.
In fact, sometimes that heightened desire leads men and women to do the craziest most beautiful things. I know a young man who once spent several hours hiking down a mountain during a week-long hunting trip to walk to a convenience store to call his girlfriend who lived in Texas. This was long before cell phones. Sadly, the woman who had captured his attention wasn’t home that night. So he had to walk all the way up the mountain again. But that’s okay. She was impressed and appreciative of his romantic gesture. A month later he asked her to marry him. She never hesitated. They got married four months later.
Though 25 years have passed, she’s still impressed with him. Impressed with his kindness and his faithfulness. She stands in awe of his daily commitment to work and pay bills and labor alongside her to raise two teenage boys. Some may think their lives are pretty boring. But life is anything but boring at their house. They’ve been blessed with a life-long love. And that is romance at its very best.
For more information about Lisa Smartt, visit her website, lisasmartt.com. She may be contacted at email@example.com.
Published in The Messenger 1.16.13